By Amber Johnson, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
Being an a IPV survivor advocate can be a rewarding experience, as advocates give selflessly and provide encouragement for those who may not have any form of support. However, survivor advocacy can be quite stressful. Many times, advocates can become overwhelmed when there are so many things to do with so little time in the day. Particularly during the holiday season, advocates may feel more moved to ensure the needs of survivors are met. Consequently, this may place an emotional toll on advocates who feel they are unable to meet those needs. During the holidays, it important for advocates to take a step back and take time for themselves, physically and mentally. This may be hard for advocates initially because advocates may believe that any time for themselves is taking time away from their responsibility as an advocate. However, an advocate who practices self-care and relaxation is in a much better place to advocate for survivors effectively. One way to identify when an advocate is in immediate need of self-care is when symptoms of burnout begin to occur. Though burnout can present with a wide array of symptoms, there several main symptoms that advocates can experience: Emotional Exhaustion: Advocates can feel tired, drained and exhausted. They may feel lethargic and have a lack of motivation due to decreased energy. Advocates can also experience digestive pain and problems due to emotional stress. Alienation: Advocates may become increasingly frustrated and cynical when encountering numerous obstacles while supporting survivors. This may lead to feelings of disengagement, emotional distancing, and increased effort to reach advocacy goals. Performance Reduction: When advocates experience burnout, symptoms may affect every aspect of their lives. Advocates can view tasks in the home and on their job negatively, leading to increased procrastination. Further, burnout can make it harder for advocates to concentrate, leading to decreased ambition and creativity. If you observe these signs of burnout, there are several things you can do help cope: 1. Set boundaries: As an advocate you can say “no”. As advocates give so selflessly, this may be difficult to say. You should always remember that you have permission to say no simply because overextending yourself does not allow you to give quality effort to the survivors you serve. 2. Find a relaxing hobby: Advocates can take on a hobby to slow down and release some of the daily stress that they may experience. Some good hobbies that advocates include meditation, journaling, yoga, or blogging. It is important that you take time away from advocacy just to focus on yourself. 3. Adopt healthier lifestyle habits: Whether you’re experiencing symptoms of burnout or not, it is always good for advocates to adopt healthy eating, exercising, and sleeping habits. This will help increase your energy levels and resiliency when facing the obstacles experienced as an advocate for IPV survivors. 4. Find support: Advocates can reach out to other advocates for support and encouragement. Sharing feelings to someone who can relate can be beneficial to reducing stress. You can also find support in friends who you can confide in and tend to be good listeners. It is important that advocates be able to vocalize their challenges to others for support. 5. Reassess your goals and priorities: Advocates should take the time to reevaluate their goals and priorities. Determine what goals you want to reach as an advocate and how they should be prioritized. Try to discover which goals are ideal for you to obtain and how much time you believe it will take to reach them. Try to put them in context with your personal goals so that you can find a balance between advocacy and your own personal goals. Amber Johnson is a doctoral student in the Department of Public Health Education at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Amber’s current interest focuses on the health consequences of shame endured by women on a systemic level, particularly among racial/ethnic minority women. She is interested in Community-Based Participatory Research and establishing effective partnerships with community members. She also seeks to find ways to lessen the differential power of researchers and community members. She will be on track to finish her PhD in May 2016. 12/12/2014 My Talk With JaneBy Danielle Achiaa Boachie, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
My friend Jane* is a brilliant young woman. She is a hardcore feminist, a single mother and a PhD student. She is also a survivor. Jane was in a three year relationship with an abusive man who almost killed her. She has since then triumphed through it, but her experiences played an integral role in her mental perception of self during and after the abuse. In this candid interview, Jane discusses the emotional scars her abuser left, and how she was able to ultimately see the triumph. Danielle: Thank you Jane for wanting and being willing to share your story. What do you hope to accomplish by having your voice heard? Jane: Thank you for talking with me. As you can probably tell with me wanting my name changed, I’m still not completely comfortable going in the street and shouting my story, but sharing my experience has definitely been a big part of my healing process. I sort of force myself to relive the scenes in order to make sense of them. My judgement was so clouded at the time, all I ever thought was that it was my fault. It never occurred to me that a power dynamic was at play that allowed him, as a man, to feel that violence was an acceptable way to display discontent and accompany his masculinity. But honestly, I just want others like me to know that they are not alone. A few weeks before I left, I read a Nicholas Sparks book about a woman who was escaping an abusive relationship. I cannot tell you how much strength it gave me to read through the struggle of this fictional woman. It really resonated with me and gave me power. I hope that someone reads this blog and this post, and experiences the same empowerment. You are not alone, and you can escape and live the life you deserve. Danielle: Tell me a little more about your experience. Jane: My story is no different from others. I loved him. Our relationship was great in the beginning. Slowly, over time, a power dynamic inched into play. I started to lose friends, stopped seeing my family, and then he began to “punish” me for the things he thought I did wrong. He tried to stab me several times. It all happened very quickly, but I eventually one day stopped blaming myself, realized that he was the problem, and ran away. I have not looked back since. How did this experience affect the way you thought/think about yourself? I had such low self esteem during the abuse and years after. Leaving an abuser is not the end of the emotional roller coaster. I thought I was worthless. I began abusing drugs to find an alternate reality because I was suffering from a lot of PTSD. I had nightmares about him. I was so afraid that he would come and kill me. The worst part was the guilt. I felt that everything was my fault and that I was a bad person. My therapist has been a wonderful support to help me divorce these feelings. Now I blame no one but him. He craved the power abusing me gave him. He was a nasty person. I’m not saying I’m perfect now, but I have come a long way. Danielle: Do you have any advice for those going through the emotional trauma of abuse? Jane: My recovery, especially in the beginning, was like a broken record. I was told and repeated to myself over and over that I am worthy, it was not my fault, and I DESERVE BETTER. Eventually, as I began to heal, I began to believe these words. We are special and unique beings. We have one life to live and we owe it to ourselves to have the best experience possible. Let me be one more person to tell you that you are worth it. You are wonderful. You are smart. You are independent. Don’t let anyone define you but you. Also, be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to heal as your grow mentally and emotionally. That was my mistake. I just wanted to get away from it all, I didn’t seek support. I thought talking about it would be too harsh of a reality, and so I kept it all in until that day I tried to kill myself. Since then, talking about it in increments has helped tremendously. Take it one day at a time, and don’t forget to love yourself every step of the way. You are worth it. *Name was changed to respect privacy. Danielle Achiaa Boachie is a first year Master’s student at UNC Greensboro and is on track to receive her M.A. in Women's and Gender Studies in May 2016. She is also working to get a Certificate in African American and African Diaspora Studies. Danielle received her B.A. in Women's Studies at UNC Chapel Hill, and plans to get her Ph.D. in Women's, Gender and Sexuality Studies, or African Diaspora Studies. Her work is focused on the impact of slavery on the racial and gender relations of African American women in the United States. 12/11/2014 Self-Care and Boundaries with OthersBy Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder
Many aspects of self-care relate specifically to the ways a person treats him- or herself, such as journaling, using relaxation exercises, and making decision to eat nutritious food and exercise regularly. However, being able to care for oneself often also involves creating healthy boundaries in relationships with others. Establishing boundaries in relationships with others--especially close relationships--can be a daily process that may involve give rise to a number of significant challenges. From my background and training as a marriage and family therapist, I’ve come to believe that healthy boundaries are both clear and flexible, meaning that there is some clear understanding of what those boundaries look like, but they are able to be flexible enough to change when new circumstances arise. Boundaries that are too rigid or too loose can both become problematic. One of the major challenges in establishing healthy boundaries in relationships with others is that other people do not automatically respect the boundaries we attempt to create. For example, we may ask a friend to only call us before 9 p.m., but only they can choose whether to honor that request. They may still call us after 9 p.m., and if they do., we are then faced with the choice of whether or not to answer the phone call. This is a relatively simple example, but the dynamics are similar even with more significant boundary crossings. A significant boundary challenge for many survivors of abusive relationships is establishing a boundary within their relationship with their former abusers. By definition, someone who was abusive in an intimate relationship is not respectful of their former partner’s boundaries, and these boundary crossings were manifested in the power and control dynamics that occurred within the abusive relationship. Some survivors are able to fully cut ties with their former abusers. However, other survivors need to maintain some sort of contact with their former abusers, such as if they share custody or live in the same communities or share social connections. The following quotes from participants in our research demonstrate the importance of working to establish boundaries in their relationships with their former abusive partners:
The boundaries you maintain with others reflect the value you place upon yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect by others and yourself. As the above quotes from participants in our research demonstrate, deciding to commit to healthy boundaries in relationships with others is an important part of self-care. We’d love to hear from you about the ways that you’ve been able to work toward healthy boundaries in your relationships--Share your ideas by leaving a comment below! Compiled by Amber Johnson, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
Mental Health.gov http://www.mentalhealth.gov/ Provides one-stop access to U.S. government mental health and mental health problems information for the public. National Institute of Mental Health http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml Provides access to the latest research and health information on mental health. National Alliance on Mental Illness http://www.nami.org/ The NAMI is a grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for those affected by mental illness. NAMI promotes advocacy for those with mental illness to have access to services, treatment, supports while raising awareness of mental illness. Mental Health America http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/ Mental Health America is dedicated to the promotion of mental health, the prevention of mental and substance use conditions and advocacy, education, research and service. National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma, and Mental Health http://www.nationalcenterdvtraumamh.org/ The National Center of Domestic Violence, Trauma, and Mental health raises awareness about the intersections of domestic violence, trauma, substance abuse, and mental health. This resources offers training, webinars, consultations, and community resources, and legal advocacy. Families for Depression Awareness www.familyaware.org Family aware is an organization that helps families recognize and cope with depressive disorders. This resources includes profiles of families and experts, and an online depression wellness analyzer to help families cope with depression and help their families monitor treatment. Facing Us www.facingus.org Facing us is a resource that provides information about treatment and management of mental illnesses. This website includes online tools for journaling, a wellness plan, and a wellness tracker. Helpguide.org www.helpguide.org Helpguide is a resource that provides information people need to focus on their mental health and wellbeing. The website includes information on mental and emotional health, family and relationships, healthy living and aging. Mood Letter www.moodletter.com The mood letter is a resource for information about depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder. This website includes stories and articles for patients and family members, tips on identifying symptoms, and information on various treatment options. National Resource Center for Hispanic Mental Health www.nrchmh.org/ The NRCHMH is a resource that helps individuals with mental illness seek and obtain culturally competent treatment and assist with overcoming the stigma of mental illness. The resource provides an online toolkit and trainings, community resources, and a scholarship fund tailored to the mental health and wellbeing of Hispanics. National Federation of Families for Children Health www.ffcmh.org The National Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health is an organization that focuses on the issues around children and youth with emotional, behavioral, or mental health needs and their families. This resource advocates for families to develop policies, service and support for families with children that have mental health needs and services to strengthen families. Amber Johnson is a doctoral student in the Department of Public Health Education at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Amber’s current interest focuses on the health consequences of shame endured by women on a systemic level, particularly among racial/ethnic minority women. She is interested in Community-Based Participatory Research and establishing effective partnerships with community members. She also seeks to find ways to lessen the differential power of researchers and community members. She will be on track to finish her PhD in May 2016. 12/10/2014 Releasing Guilt By Amber Johnson, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
Guilt is an emotion that can guide the decisions of many people. Guilt can be an appropriate feeling at times. It can be a way of balancing internal uneasiness when making decisions regarding interpersonal relationships. For example, one may feel uneasiness when saying something hurtful to another person. Guilt can enhance interpersonal relationships by causing people to express sympathy, apologize for hurtful behavior, and reflect on individual life decisions in order to enhance life in the future. Guilt can also be used to manipulate others, reinforce control, and create a general form of emotional distress. In interpersonal violence situations, guilt is always used as a way to keep the victim immobilized. If the victim is made to feel guilty by an abuser about a variety of issues and personal decisions the victim has made in their lives, often they will feel stuck because the empowerment to make a decision has been snatched away by guilt. Some of the common triggers for guilt which are often used as tools of manipulation are: · Not living up to the standards of your family. · Thinking about yourself · Saying “no”. Placing guilt on someone for the purpose of control does not enhance relationships or build moral value among individuals. It is ok to say no, to put yourself first, and to live up to your own expectations. Sometimes guilt can still be present after survivors have left an abusive situation. However, dealing with guilt can be a positive experience. Releasing guilt can give a sense of relief. As a survivor, releasing remnants of guilt allows you to accept the things you cannot change and focus on the positive aspects of the future. Addressing guilt also assists with building confidence among survivors. Guilt can cause survivors to second guess their life decisions. Fortunately when releasing guilt, survivors can move forward and reduce their fear of making bad decisions. The process of releasing guilt also allows you to focus on yourself. It is an act of self-love in which survivors can focus on the love that they have for themselves and realize that they are survivors. Releasing guilt can make you feel emotionally lighter, physically healthier, and allow survivors to confidently move forward to lead impactful and positive lives. Remember that guilt from an abusive relationship is something that happened to you not by you. Amber Johnson is a doctoral student in the Department of Public Health Education at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Amber’s current interest focuses on the health consequences of shame endured by women on a systemic level, particularly among racial/ethnic minority women. She is interested in Community-Based Participatory Research and establishing effective partnerships with community members. She also seeks to find ways to lessen the differential power of researchers and community members. She will be on track to finish her PhD in May 2016. 12/10/2014 What is Trauma? By Melissa Fickling, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
Many psychological terms have become commonly used – and misused – in mainstream dialogue. Trauma is one of those words that is often used inaccurately and insensitively. This overuse can contribute to a misunderstanding of how trauma really affects the everyday lives of many people. Some examples of traumatic events include rape, assault, and natural disaster, but there are many more ways people can experience trauma. Traumatic events can happen directly to an individual (in the case of rape or assault, for example), but a person can also be traumatized by witnessing, learning about, or being repeatedly exposed to details about another person’s trauma. One way to think of trauma comes from the American Psychiatric Association and it says that trauma includes “…exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury or sexual violation” (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). There are a range of experiences which can be classified as traumatic. An individual’s subjective experience is important to keep in mind when considering her or his level of traumatization. At some point after a traumatic experience, a person may begin reliving or re-experiencing the trauma, as well as a number of other symptoms. These can include avoiding memories or reminders of the trauma, experiencing an increase in negative emotions, having intrusive memories of the event in the form of dreams or memories, and experiencing physiological symptoms such as hypervigilance, heightened startle response, poor concentration, and difficulty sleeping. Feminist therapist Laura Brown offers a view of trauma in which posttraumatic symptoms are more adaptive than pathological because they represent a need not to be silenced. These symptoms communicate the severity and gravity of the everyday traumas that people experience, particularly those that may happen in private such as intimate partner violence. They can be thought of as a best attempt at managing the intense feelings which arise from the trauma. Feminist counselors consider the social context in which trauma occurs and weave this awareness into their work with clients. Talking with a professional counselor about any distress that is impacting your life and well-being as a result of trauma can an effective way to manage any unwanted symptoms. Recovering from trauma takes time and it is especially important to care for yourself while engaging in counseling around these experiences. Although talking about the traumatic event(s) can be hard, doing so helps in coping with the difficult emotions and moving forward in living a full life with rewarding and healthy relationships. References American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. Retrieved from http://www.dsm5.org/Pages/Default.aspx. Brown, L. S. (1994). Subversive dialogues: Theory in feminist therapy. New York, NY: BasicBooks. Brown, L.S. (1995). Not outside the range: One feminist perspective on psychic trauma, II. In. C. Caruth (Ed.) Trauma: Explorations in memory, (pp. 100-112). Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press. Melissa J. Fickling, MA, LPC, NCC is a Doctoral Candidate in the Department of Counseling & Educational Development at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. She is the instructor for CED 574A: Women’s Issues in Counseling for the 2014-2015 academic year. Melissa has worked as a counselor in college, community, and private practice settings where she specializes in issues related to work, career, and transition. Melissa completed her doctoral cognate in Women’s and Gender Studies at UNCG. She is on track to graduate with her Ph.D. in May of 2015. Her dissertation is examining career counselors’ perceptions of social justice advocacy behaviors. 12/10/2014 My Talk With JaneBy Danielle Achiaa Boachie, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
My friend Jane* is a brilliant young woman. She is a hardcore feminist, a single mother and a PhD student. She is also a survivor. Jane was in a three year relationship with an abusive man who almost killed her. She has since then triumphed through it, but her experiences played an integral role in her mental perception of self during and after the abuse. In this candid interview, Jane discusses the emotional scars her abuser left, and how she was able to ultimately see the triumph. Danielle: Thank you Jane for wanting and being willing to share your story. What do you hope to accomplish by having your voice heard? Jane: Thank you for talking with me. As you can probably tell with me wanting my name changed, I’m still not completely comfortable going in the street and shouting my story, but sharing my experience has definitely been a big part of my healing process. I sort of force myself to relive the scenes in order to make sense of them. My judgment was so clouded at the time, all I ever thought was that it was my fault. It never occurred to me that a power dynamic was at play that allowed him, as a man, to feel that violence was an acceptable way to display discontent and accompany his masculinity. But honestly, I just want others like me to know that they are not alone. A few weeks before I left, I read a Nicholas Sparks book about a woman who was escaping an abusive relationship. I cannot tell you how much strength it gave me to read through the struggle of this fictional woman. It really resonated with me and gave me power. I hope that someone reads this blog and this post, and experiences the same empowerment. You are not alone, and you can escape and live the life you deserve. Danielle: Tell me a little more about your experience. Jane: My story is no different from others. I loved him. Our relationship was great in the beginning. Slowly, over time, a power dynamic inched into play. I started to lose friends, stopped seeing my family, and then he began to “punish” me for the things he thought I did wrong. He tried to stab me several times. It all happened very quickly, but I eventually one day stopped blaming myself, realized that he was the problem, and ran away. I have not looked back since. Danielle: How did this experience affect the way you thought/think about yourself? Jane: I had such low self esteem during the abuse and years after. Leaving an abuser is not the end of the emotional roller coaster. I thought I was worthless. I began abusing drugs to find an alternate reality because I was suffering from a lot of PTSD. I had nightmares about him. I was so afraid that he would come and kill me. The worst part was the guilt. I felt that everything was my fault and that I was a bad person. My therapist has been a wonderful support to help me divorce these feelings. Now I blame no one but him. He craved the power abusing me gave him. He was a nasty person. I’m not saying I’m perfect now, but I have come a long way. Danielle: Do you have any advice for those going through the emotional trauma of abuse? Jane: My recovery, especially in the beginning, was like a broken record. I was told and repeated to myself over and over that I am worthy, it was not my fault, and I DESERVE BETTER. Eventually, as I began to heal, I began to believe these words. We are special and unique beings. We have one life to live and we owe it to ourselves to have the best experience possible. Let me be one more person to tell you that you are worth it. You are wonderful. You are smart. You are independent. Don’t let anyone define you but you. Also, be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to heal as your grow mentally and emotionally. That was my mistake. I just wanted to get away from it all, I didn’t seek support. I thought talking about it would be too harsh of a reality, and so I kept it all in until that day I tried to kill myself. Since then, talking about it in increments has helped tremendously. Take it one day at a time, and don’t forget to love yourself every step of the way. You are worth it. *Name was changed to respect privacy. Danielle Achiaa Boachie is a first year Master’s student at UNC Greensboro and is on track to receive her M.A. in Women's and Gender Studies in May 2016. She is also working to get a Certificate in African American and African Diaspora Studies. Danielle received her B.A. in Women's Studies at UNC Chapel Hill, and plans to get her Ph.D. in Women's, Gender and Sexuality Studies, or African Diaspora Studies. Her work is focused on the impact of slavery on the racial and gender relations of African American women in the United States. 12/10/2014 Grief and Loss During the Holidays By Melissa Fickling, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
Even though feelings of grief and loss are common, many people mistakenly think that they should “get over” these feelings quickly and privately, without letting others know the depth of their pain. There are unwritten and unspoken social rules around grief and loss which can lead to denying and stuffing down feelings. Some people numb their feelings with excessive consumption – an unhealthy standard that is readily accepted during the holiday season: excessive drinking, eating, or spending money is common at this time of year. This unexpressed grief can have unwanted consequences on our wellness. It can be especially tempting to “stuff down” our feelings of loss, loneliness, and sadness around the holidays when it can seem like everyone else is in high spirits. We can grieve any number of losses. Most commonly we think of loved ones who have passed away, but we can also grieve the ending of a relationship, or the loss of a job, identity, or role. We can grieve experiences that we hoped we would have but now realize we may never have, such as becoming pregnant. We can feel loss related to aging or changes in our health. We can experience grief and loss during any expected or unexpected life transition. And since life is always changing, we can experience these feelings to varying degrees all the time. The holidays can be a bittersweet time. Here are some positive ways you might want to deal with feelings of grief and loss during the holidays. Community. The important of finding a community of support cannot be overstated. A community group, spiritual or religious community, and even online groups can be helpful. Be open about how you are feeling and try to find a group specifically focused on grief so that you can feel open about sharing. If you share custody of your children, you may have to be away from them for the first time during a major holiday. See if you can join a friend’s family for festivities. It can be fun to be around someone else’s family on a holiday if yours is far away or if being with your own family causes more pain than holiday cheer. Counseling. Many hospice and palliative care organizations offer grief counseling at little to no cost. Find a hospice organization near you and ask if they offer this. If they don’t, they will be able to connect you to helpful resources. If you are trying to help someone who is grieving, understand that people grieve differently. The important thing to do is let your friend know that you are willing to talk or connect them with resources if that is something they want. Take Your Time. You do not need to “get over” a loss. In keeping with the theme of self-care, when it comes to grief and loss, you do not need to apologize for your feelings. By avoiding your feelings now, you will probably not bypass the healing process, only delay it. Sometimes it can be helpful to actually schedule time to grieve. For example, you can reserve a day next weekend to focus completely on the person or circumstance you are missing. This could include journaling, going for a walk, visiting a favorite spot, watching a movie or listening to music which holds special meaning. Finally, remember that having these feelings means you are a sensitive person – they are never a sign of weakness. There will be good days and harder days. The loss you have experienced may be part of your life forever, and how much emotional space it takes up for you may ebb and flow over time. The holiday season can give us warm feelings and also remind us of those raw places in our hearts. Take good care of yourself always, and especially during this time of year. Melissa J. Fickling, MA, LPC, NCC is a Doctoral Candidate in the Department of Counseling & Educational Development at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. She is the instructor for CED 574A: Women’s Issues in Counseling for the 2014-2015 academic year. Melissa has worked as a counselor in college, community, and private practice settings where she specializes in issues related to work, career, and transition. Melissa completed her doctoral cognate in Women’s and Gender Studies at UNCG. She is on track to graduate with her Ph.D. in May of 2015. Her dissertation is examining career counselors’ perceptions of social justice advocacy behaviors. By Amber Johnson, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom -Maya Angelou Many know Maya Angelou for her thunderous and powerful words. Her influence on the arts of the 21st century is nothing short of astonishing. She was successful, ambitious, wise, motivational, and inspiring. She was also a survivor of interpersonal violence. In her poem, she discusses a bird being in a cage singing from freedom. There are many things in life that can serve as cages. One of the most imprisoning emotions interpersonal violence survivors can encounter is shame. One way to think about shame is the belief that you are incompetent because you define yourself by how others define intellect, skill and ability. People may feel ashamed when they feel they don’t amount to other people’s definition of success. Particularly during the holidays, shame experienced by IPV survivors may cause reluctance to celebrate the holidays with family and friends. IPV survivors may fear that others will view them as personally incompetent. Experiencing domestic violence in a relationship can be embarrassing and demeaning, which can leave survivors with lingering feelings of low self-worth. Leaving a violent relationship can also leave persistent feelings of defeat, unwillingness to fight, and self-blaming. As we go through the holiday season, it is important to understand that we determine our own self-worth. Why is this important now? The holiday season symbolizes the end of the year and time with family and friends. This is time where many people reflect on life, goals obtained or not obtained, and love. A natural response to shame can include withdrawal, avoidance, and self-hate, leading to more isolation and loneliness. It is important to understand that the shame can make feel caged. However, this is a cage in which you can break free. How we respond and deal with shame when experienced, determines our ability to move forward personally and socially. Spend time with a friend or family member you have not seen in a while over the holidays. Remind yourself why you did everything right by leaving a violent relationship. You are a survivor and every day you live, you are proudly singing. Though shame doesn’t go away overnight or through the holidays, keep singing. Keep singing until you are free from all the shame you feel. You are free. Amber Johnson is a doctoral student in the Department of Public Health Education at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Amber’s current interest focuses on the health consequences of shame endured by women on a systemic level, particularly among racial/ethnic minority women. She is interested in Community-Based Participatory Research and establishing effective partnerships with community members. She also seeks to find ways to lessen the differential power of researchers and community members. She will be on track to finish her PhD in May 2016. |
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