By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder
We learned a lot from the participants in our research about the many ways that people can share their stories. We want to emphasize that there is no one “right way” to do this. Your story is your own, and you should only tell it in ways that are comfortable, safe, and meaningful for you. For some people, this means speaking publicly about past experiences with abuse. However, there are many reasons why a person may not want to do this, and those reasons are valid--especially when safety risks are involved. There are many other ways that people can tell their own stories that may or may not involve sharing with anyone else. Following are a few examples of the various ways that participants shared with us that they told their stories. One of the most personal ways to tell one’s story is through writing it down, such as through keeping a journal. One participant said, “I mentioned before that I am a writer. Writing about the experiences has helped me process them...Processing the abuse in my own time has allowed me to understand that it was not my fault and allowed me to personally overcome the stigma of abuse in my own mind.” Other people may find it empowering and helpful to tell their stories to people who are close in their lives, or in a confidential setting like counseling. For example, consider the following quotes:
For some, speaking publicly is an empowering way to have their story help educate others. Here are some great examples of this from participants in our research:
Of course, regardless of how or when survivors tell their story, it’s important for them to be the one to make these choices. Some of the participants in our research emphasized the importance of sharing when the moment is right:
8/28/2014 Day 28: A Story of Inspiration “I am in college and raising my children on my own. My goal is to be the sole provider for my children and prove to them all of their dreams can come true and we can do it on our own. I…want to inspire victims to become survivors. So my education will be used to advocate for women and children and hopefully start my non-profit to make a positive change in our community, even though I am told it will never change. I am already looked down upon, so the way I see it will not hurt me any more to stand up for what is right, and who knows maybe my voice will be heard.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/27/2014 Day 27: A Story of Inspiration “I am more determined than ever before to be successful. I have my own…business now… I keep busy...It has changed my life and it was a horrible experience, but I am stronger and there will never be a man or anyone to tell me what to do as far as being in an intimate relationship and I will never be controlled. I will be independent and focus on my career, my children, education, and church activity.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder
This month’s focus on “Every Survivor Has a Story” has been an especially meaningful one for us at See the Triumph. The stories we heard from the survivors of intimate partner violence who participated in our research are really what drove us to start See the Triumph in the first place, as we knew that these stories were important ones that needed to be told. As this month draws to a close, I’ll share some additional quotes from survivors in our research that highlight both the power of telling one’s story today, and on Thursday, I’ll address the importance of people finding their own unique ways to do so, either privately or publicly. One of the main themes we heard from research participants was that telling their story helped play a role in their healing from the effects of the abuse the experienced. For example, one participant said, “Just sharing my story has been cathartic. It has been important for me to tell others that abuse is not just physical; most abuse is actually emotional. Emotional abuse is also something important to recognize.” Another said, “I'm still struggling a lot with my past abuse. But talking about it feels so good. It takes some of that emotional weight & anxiety off my chest.” We also heard from several participants that talking about their stories helped them to overcome stigma and empower themselves. Consider, for example, the following quotes:
Indeed, there is power in telling one’s story. Stories hold the potential for healing, for overcoming, and for educating others. Let’s continue to work together so that survivors’ stories are honored and heard! 8/26/2014 Day 26: A Story of Inspiration “I managed to get myself educated, get into counseling to deal with the issues and underlying issues of the abuse and work toward more healthy living. I also advocate for those who are still in abusive situations.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/25/2014 Day 25: A Story of Inspiration “I have tried for years to become financially stable, while raising a child with no financial or physical help. I have not become financially stable, despite my good education, my excellent resume, and working full time and professionally. So, many likely still stigmatize me. I, however, know how hard I work, and how well I raise my child, and have come to realize that our economy and our society is not designed for women, single mothers, and survivors to become successful. Thus, i have refocused what i consider to be ‘success.’ I live in a strong and vibrant community of parents and friends, I am providing my son with an excellent home and education, I prioritize living ethically and having time for my family over working... once you redefine success outside of the traditional paradigms, you can abandon the stigma projected on you.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/24/2014 Day 24: A Story of Inspiration In this last week of our 31 Days of Stories series, we’re sharing stories that we hope will be inspiring and encouraging for you. These stories are from research participants who have taken their past experiences with abuse and used them to fuel positive changes in their own lives and in the world around them. To start off this week, please read the following quote:
“You may have trials and hurdles to overcome and for a while after leaving an abusive relationship but a violent free life is the most wonderful and blessed time that you will ever experience… Happiness, security, and love is out there and is waiting for you to embrace it and live it. And there are many agencies, clubs, groups and people who can teach you the tools and knowledge and support to live a happy healthy and prosperous life. And there are many people like myself who know can call themselves a survivor not a victim and will help you achieve that. I am one that will setup directions and resources, encourage you, pass on the tools I have obtained just because my life is complete if only one person finds the happiness and violent free life that I have obtained. I know there are more people like me in this world that have my belief and feel happy and complete.” ~ Domestic violence survivor 8/23/2014 Day 23: A Story of Finding Peace “Basically I just learned to love myself and see myself as a survivor and strong instead of a victim and weak. I really embraced my past experiences, both good and bad, and came to an understanding that they have made me who I am today. I am also an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse and through therapy and self-reflection I have come to understand how my abusive relationship was tied to the unresolved feelings I had about that. Now I just look back and think about all life has thrown my way and how I'm still standing and going strong and I have a great husband and a wonderful child and the life I always wanted. I feel blessed and strong and I am not stigmatized anymore. I have no problem telling people about my past experiences with abuse because I am no longer ashamed of the incidents, I don't let the abuse define me.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/22/2014 Day 22: A Story of Finding Peace “I changed myself from the inside out. I sought my own happiness and confidence through my accomplishments, not the opinions of others. I went back to school, gained new employment, and joined new activities in order to re-establish socialization and eventually friendships. I personally saw a counselor and came to a place where I forgave myself/let go of self-blame.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/21/2014 Day 21: A Story of Peace “I finally started sharing my experience with other people. I am no longer afraid that my ex-husband will find out & hurt me. It's taken me years to get to this point but it's a major relief! Just sharing on this website gives me a huge sense of empowerment. I've also learned I’m not alone & can lean on others for support. I’m loved for the first time in my life and it's a wonderful feeling!!!!!” ~ Domestic violence survivor
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