By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder
Last week, we highlighted specific churches and regional religious groups that are creatively and intentionally addressing intimate partner violence. Did you know that some of the major Christian denominations have also actively taken a stance against intimate partner violence (IPV)? The following examples demonstrate that major religious groups often make efforts to support members who have been abused, to promote dialogue and raise awareness about IPV within their memberships and the wider community, and to hold perpetrators accountable for their violent behaviors. Check out the links below for more information about each denomination’s stance and/or initiatives:
I believe that these denominational stances are really important and meaningful in the movement to end IPV and the stigma around it. They create a foundation on which local church leaders can take action to support survivors and engage in prevention initiatives. In addition, these organizational messages send a clear message to survivors that the abuse they’ve experienced is not condoned by their church. I commend all of these religious leaders’ efforts, which go a long way in challenging the stigma surrounding IPV. By Sara Forcella, See the Triumph Contributor
Intimate partner violence is a global phenomenon― a public health concern which affects every community, in every state in the United States and beyond. While the effects of partner violence may be the most apparent and detrimental to those who are being directly abused, they ripple out into every aspect of our communities. A common misconception within most communities is believing that partner abuse does not occur. So frequently we think “maybe elsewhere, but not in this community”. We are unable to believe, or maybe even chose to ignore, the fact that many people within our own community face the reality of dealing with intimate partner violence. I urge you to consider that intimate partner violence does not discriminate; it does not take into account age, race, gender, sexuality, faith, or income. Even pets are affected by partner violence. Intimate partner violence alters a community's overall health. It affects victims in a multitude of ways and affects every person differently. Victims of partner violence face higher rates of post traumatic stress, depression, anxiety, suicide, and a number of other serious health concerns. Children and teens who are witness violence at home are at risk for perpetrating violent behaviors within their own relationships. This means that violent behaviors are often transmitted from one generation to the next, reinforcing community-wide effects of IPV. Due to the number of serious health concerns that are caused by intimate partner violence, the community deals with extra financial burdens. Those dealing with partner violence rely on numerous community-based services for their physical and emotional well being. They use services such as social workers, health care, legal aid, housing shelter care, counseling, and police and judicial assistance. Providing these forms of services is costly not only for those dealing with IPV but also for the community itself. The US spends an estimated $4.1 billion a year for domestic violence related health care services alone (NCADV). The good news about IPV is that it can be prevented! The community has a responsibility to change the stigma surrounding victims who face intimate partner violence. When we allow abuse to occur within our communities, when we ignore the issue, or when we pretend they're not there, we are telling victims that abuse is acceptable. We are allowing the cycle of intimate partner violence to continue and affect future generations― generations that may include your children or grandchildren. Whether you are aware or not, you know an IPV victim, survivor, or abuser; therefore, it’s important for you to get involved, engaged and start helping your community! Get familiar with local domestic violence agencies and resources. Volunteer your time at a local shelter or other service provider. Donate money, clothing, or old cell phones to local providers that support victims of intimate partner violence.Start talking about IPV, and keep the conversation going. Discuss the issue with your children, students, friends, co-workers, peers and partners. If you know somebody who is being abused, be supportive and let them know that abuse is never ok. It’s time that we ban together as a nationwide community and put an end to intimate partner violence. By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder
As we got ready for this month’s focus on how churches can play an important role in challenging the stigma surrounding intimate partner violence, we saw a lot of great examples of churches doing really amazing work to address intimate partner violence (IPV), both within their congregations and in their wider communities. So, today, I wanted to share some of those examples with you, because I think those examples offer a starting point for people who may be considering actions they can take within their own faith communities. Check out some of these great ways that churches are taking on the issue of IPV. You can click on the links to learn more about each initiative.
We hope learning about these examples inspires more creative, effective ideas about how churches can rally together to support survivors and prevent further abuse. We know that there are many other examples out there, too, and we hope you’ll share those with us and other members of the See the Triumph community. 3/11/2014 The Stigma of Intimate Partner Violence in Churches: Part Three - How Religion Can Perpetuate AbuseBy Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder
Today, we’re continuing to explore the potential ways that survivors of intimate partner violence may experience stigma within their faith communities. Our topic today is a sensitive one, in that it touches on some potentially very personal belief systems that people may hold. So, I want to begin by making clear that our goal is to share some of the experiences of some participants in our research through which they felt that their religious communities or beliefs added to the stigma they encountered in relation to their abuse. I’ll share that I am a Christian, and my own faith is a very central part of my own life. I don’t believe that religion inherently perpetuates abuse. However, I do believe that, sometimes, religious beliefs, practices, and organizational policies can add to the stigma surrounding abuse and increase the risk of further abuse. When participants in our research indicated that they felt that they experienced stigma from their religious communities, we asked them to describe what happened. Here are some of the examples: One participant said, “A lot of clergy and lay people [were] heavily leaning on me to stay with him because ‘God hates divorce,’ and my daughter would be ‘illegitimate’ if I divorced (and, of course, I'd be on the fast track to hell).” Another participant was told, “God hates divorce,” and encouraged to stay in the abusive relationship. Another participant shared that her church told her that domestic violence was not sufficient grounds for leaving an abusive marriage: “Later, when I filed for an annulment and it was denied by this same church in this country, I was told ‘If DV were grounds for annulment, everyone would be divorced!’” Some participants were threatened by members of their faith communities that God would harm them if they left their abusers, as shown in the following quotes:
Yet another participant sought--but never received--validation from her faith community about the level of abuse she experienced. She said, “I was married in the Catholic church and have since divorced. I filed paperwork for an annulment and was denied, even though I know I had multiple grounds, DV being only one of them. Having to justify my decision to leave my abuser, even years after the fact, to a bunch of priest(s) who don't know me and in a Church that didn't support me... I just don't see it as healthy, for me to keep trying to get some sort of validation from the Church that what I did was right, because I don't need them to tell me that. I already know.” Perhaps the most extreme statement we heard was that one participant heard the following message after disclosing abuse: “I was told to be glad to die and be a martyr for Jesus.” As I reflect upon the central role that faith plays in my own life, I can’t help but think about how powerful an impact these messages can have, as well as the internal turmoil they can create for survivors trying to decide what is the “right” way to respond to the violence they are experiencing. It is one thing to be threatened harm by one’s abuser; it’s another thing to be told that God will do harm to you if you leave an abusive relationship. Some of the views and experiences of the survivors we heard from were extreme and may not have represented the beliefs of all members of their faith communities. I believe it’s important to understand how these messages can impact survivors, especially as they grapple with how their faith intersects with their experiences of abuse and later recovery. This is our last of three posts in our series on how survivors of intimate partner violence may experience stigma in churches. Our next posts on this topic will look at ways that churches and faith communities can take action to promote safe and healthy relationships, as well as support survivors. We’d love to hear your ideas on this stigma: What else do you think perpetuates stigma surrounding abuse in faith communities? 3/10/2014 "I've Lost My Power"By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder
Late last week, the city where I live was hit by a bad ice storm. I was one of the thousands of residents to lose electricity during the storm. As hours without power stretched into a few days, I began to realize just how much I take for granted so many of the basic things that keep my life running--hot water, heat during the winter, light, a dishwasher and washer/dryer, my computer and the Internet, and the list goes on… As the time without power wore on, I began to think more about a statement I’d said several times during the power outage: “I’ve lost my power.” Moving beyond the literal meaning of that statement, I thought about how this felt like such a very, well, disempowering statement. “I’ve lost my power.” I realized that when I said this, it resonated at a deeper level--a loss of control over knowing when my power would be restored, what I could do to keep my household running until then, and a shift into somewhat of a survival mode. This survival mode meant that, instead of thinking about big-picture ideas--such as what kind of parent I want to be or the next big project at work---I found myself thinking things like, “How do I keep my family safe and warm?” and “What can we eat since I can’t cook and had to throw away the food in my refrigerator and freezer?” And then, I realized why the statement, “I’ve lost my power,” was ringing so loudly in my mind. The past few weeks, I’ve been going back through the stories of our research participants, especially the parts about how they’d experienced stigma in their lives related to abuse. I realized I’d heard variations of that statement coming from many of the survivors in our research, such as the following examples:
We have to meet people where they are and understand the unique challenges they face in their lives, and then trust that often they are doing the best they can given the circumstances of their lives. It would be unfair for me or anyone else to have have the same expectations for how much I could get done--both personally and professionally--during a few days when I don’t have electricity and a few days when I do. And yet, through our research, we heard many survivors say something like the following quote: “You hear a lot of ‘Why didn't you just leave?’” When people fail to consider all the many challenges people face within an abusive relationship, it may be easy to assume that they can easily leave. But this assumption lacks an understanding of just how complex the process of leaving an abusive relationship is. Something that appears really easy can turn extremely challenging when there are complicating factors at play. This is true whether we’re talking about preparing a meal in the absence of electricity or about leaving an abusive relationship. I’m thankful my loss of electricity was temporary. Feeling that “loss of power” was a good reminder of how important it is to feel empowered and understood, and this is a goal we’re aiming for through See the Triumph. I challenge all of you to think about times in your own lives when you’ve lost power--of any sort--and what lessons those times taught you. I’d love to hear from you with your own stories of losing--and reclaiming--your power. |
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