The Triumph Over Abuse Blog
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By Hannah Moore, See the Triumph Guest Blogger This resource is intended to bring awareness to the violence that is so readily available in popular media. Specifically, there are several instances of covert, or unidentified violence in movies marketed to all different ages and populations. The few listed in the visual infographic are just a couple of examples; hopefully highlighting the ways violence presents itself to the consuming audience without acknowledgement. This tool can be used to begin a discussion with members of different age groups, and begin to raise awareness and responsible consumption of popular media and movies among all audiences. This tool can also be used in a way to help bring awareness to instances of violence in one’s own life that may not be immediately apparent.  Hannah Moore is a recent graduate of the Counseling and Educational Development Program at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. During her time there, she focused on Couples and Family Counseling, and has a passion for working with children and families at all developmental levels.
By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder
The stigma surrounding intimate partner violence is complex and comes from many sources. In one of our most recent research studies, we looked at the different sources of stigma, as well as the different components of stigma that victims and survivors often face. The sources we identified included the perpetrator, other people (e.g., friends, family members, and professionals), internalized stigma by the person himself or herself, and society. One of the ways that society perpetuates stigma against victims and survivors of intimate partner violence is through the media. One of the best ways to understand how the media stigmatizes people who have experienced intimate partner violence is by hearing how those media messages impact survivors. Today, we wanted to share reflections from a survivor who participated in our research on how the media perpetuates the stigma that surrounds abusive relationships. This survivor—who faced very severe violence at the hands of a former boyfriend but managed to safely leave that relationship several years ago—shared that she believes that the media perpetuates inaccurate stereotypes about abuse. She said, “I think with newspaper and, or newspaper media, news media, and the movies, and again depending on what movie and that kind of thing …there’s kind of a strange idea that there’s something, that the reason that people stay in abusive relationships is because there’s something interesting about it or that it’s somehow, that they somehow want that, which is weird…I guess that maybe it comes from not knowing why, like ‘Why would somebody stay? Well, they must be getting something out of it,’ kind of thing. I don’t know if that’s where it comes from, but it seems like movies in particular seem to show women as kind of sending mixed messages about what’s okay or not okay. And that seems dangerous, in that it’s perpetuating this idea that what a person says isn’t really what they mean, and that sort of thing. And certainly, and I think, in terms of news media, people are often presented in a way that seems that women who are abused by a husband, or whatever, are fundamentally weak somehow. That there’s this kind of weakness, like an overwhelming weakness of not being able to cope with the world, or not being able to handle stress, or not being able to properly care for their children, or that sort of thing. That it comes down to a lack of strength or something like that, which also seems peculiar and dangerous in placing all of the onus on the woman in that way, which is curious and of course misguided.” To really end the stigma around IPV, this survivor believes that these media messages need to change. She said, “I feel like books do that often, too. They make the abusers out to be monsters and they make the women, typically women, who are being abused as kind of weak and not real thinking. And I understand that, of course, we don’t want to be portraying the abusers as sensitive, thoughtful, insightful people. That wouldn’t be right, too. But at the same time there’s a lack of complexity or a lack of, like, fullness. Like, it’s not just that the person hits you, but doesn’t hit you every time you see him, like in every waking moment. There are other things, too, that make it, that add up to this whole, of being just confusing and, not being able to do necessarily what you know is the right thing to do.” To challenge the stigma that surrounds intimate partner violence in society, it’s important that we learn to think critically about the messages that are conveyed in the media about abusive relationships. In addition, we need to listen to the wisdom of survivors to learn more about how these messages impact them and their willingness to seek help and share their stories with others. Let’s keep working together to end the stigma surrounding intimate partner violence so that we can erase the barriers that this stigma creates! By Susan Danielsen, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
Unless or until it involves celebrities, politicians, or athletes, domestic violence seems to get very little national attention. Of course, there are some well-known folks who make this topic their platform or cause célèbre; and, by connecting their names to the issue, domestic violence never really leaves our consciousness. Yet, despite the (seemingly) more frequent news splashes about someone-famous-we-have-never-heard-of-before-this making headlines about abuse, and the omnipresent lists of celebrities who are domestic violence advocates, the topic of intimate partner abuse still seems very distant to so many people. They don’t get it. ‘They’ are the people who have certainly heard about domestic violence (who hasn’t?), but who have never been affected by it. ‘They’ have never been involved in an abusive relationship, or don’t think they know anyone who has. To ‘them’, domestic violence is an ugly – but abstract-- condition that affects only other people. To ‘them’ the stories of domestic violence are remote and disconnected from ‘their’ world. After all, the faces of famous victims or abusers that reach them through their televisions or mobile devices or computers are pixels on a screen. They are images of people they know only through the media; people who live vastly different lives than they do. ‘Those people’ – the celebrities, the athletes, the politicians, - are not ‘them’ – the teacher, the clerk, the small business owner, the-person-most-would-consider-ordinary. But, you, local survivor of an abusive relationship, are ‘them’. You are the person who lives next door, the person who works hard for a paycheck, the person who seems to blend in to everyday life. You are NOT the person who has national fame, or an Oscar, or a Heisman. You are just a regular person. You are not ‘those people’. You are ‘them’. You are…..Just. Like. Us. We see ourselves in you. We don’t see ourselves in the million-dollar-an-episode-actress, or the world record holder, or the six-term politician who couldn’t figure out how to find the canned soup in a grocery store without a forming a committee and doing a study on the most effective shelf displays. And THAT is what makes your story of your journey out of an abusive relationship so very, very powerful. You are real. You are us. We are you. We can relate to you. Domestic violence is not so distant anymore: you are the face of someone we know. You are someone we have seen, spoken with, or maybe even touched. Your circumstances, your pain, your courage, are REAL. We know you. You will still be a part of our lives long after the rich and famous have their news splashes, court case, and any made-for-TV movie. Because we see you in us, you MUST tell your story. And you must tell it often. And tell it loud. And tell it with pride. For your voice is powerful to us than any celebrity’s. Susan Danielsen is the Public Information Officer for the Greensboro (N.C.) Police Department. By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder
If you’re like me, sometimes you’ve read or seen a story about domestic violence in the media, and it’s made you cringe because of how the story was reported or the misinformation it included. Or maybe you’ve also experienced stronger reactions, such as outrage and anger. Chances are, if you’re informed about the dynamics of domestic violence and you care about the issue, you’ve noticed examples of irresponsible--and possibly even unsafe--media reporting about the issue. Examples of practices that I consider to be irresponsible reporting include providing incorrect information about the dynamics of abusive relationships, framing stories in ways that blame victims, and providing details in stories that could pose safety risks for victims. You can take action to prevent problematic reporting, correct misinformation that is conveyed, and work proactively to promote safe, responsible media reporting about domestic violence. These steps include the following:
Therefore, whenever possible, I suggest that advocates for raising awareness about domestic violence in local communities work proactively, over time to build relationships with reporters and others (e.g., administrators and news directors). With strong relationships with members of the media in your communities, you can work together to learn about the nature of each other’s work, as well as to develop strategies to have domestic violence be covered in safe, responsible ways in your community. 11/21/2014 2 Comments Book Review: Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Self-Help Workbook, by Edward KubayBy Stephanie Quinn, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
Note from See the Triumph: As part of our series this month on Intimate Partner Violence, Stigma, and the Media, this week we’re featuring a series of reviews of books and films that address the topic of domestic violence. In this series, guest blogger Stephanie Quinn shares insights about how these resources depict the issue, as well as resources for learning more. ******************************************* Leaving a violent relationship can be incredibly challenging. However, we often forget that leaving is not the end of an abuse survivor’s journey. For women who are recovering from a violent relationship, Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Self Help Workbook by Edward S. Kubay is a wonderful resource. It is a comprehensive guide to understanding the different cognitive and emotional issues a survivor could face. From working through the anxiety and depression to understanding the trauma, this book covers each important aspect of moving on from a violent marriage. This book could not only help women move on from their relationships, but it could also normalize what the survivor is experiencing. This book is based on cognitive trauma therapy, which uses CBT and has a strong base in education. This type of therapy includes activities on limiting negative self-talk and education on what types of symptoms may be normal. Later in the book ,the reader will work through controlled exposure to the trauma. This book requires the reader to do the work provided in order to begin healing. The “work” is not only writing out the answers and conducting the self-assessments, but it is also being open and able to respond to tough questions. While a gentle book, it also requires honesty of the reader. For instance, one question asks the reader write about any guilt they feel related to the abuse. This is not an easy question to answer or process, but it may be vital to healing if the survivor was experiencing any residual guilt from their abuse. Because some of these questions might be hard for someone to process on their own, I would recommend the use of this book in addition to a counselor. While counseling can be a difficult experience initially, talking about your abuse aloud can be healing. For counselors, this book would be a great addition to your work with a survivor. While having a client complete the entire book would be wonderful, it also contains pages that would make great activities during a session. Additionally, this book is a good educational resource for a counselor. It contains information about PTSD specific to domestic violence survivors and could help give counselors a better understanding of how a survivor’s trauma may be affecting them today. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who works in the field of domestic violence or has left a violent relationship. To find a therapist near you visit: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/ To purchase this self help book visit: http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Trauma-Domestic-Violence-Harbinger/dp/1572243694/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1405968043&sr=8-1&keywords=self+help+domestic+violence&dpPl=1 Stephanie Quinn is a second year masters student in Counseling and Educational Development at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Originally from Iowa, she moved to North Carolina to attend Elon University where she received her bachelor's degree in Human Service Studies. Specializing in couples and families, she is currently interning at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center this fall, where she works with families in the children's oncology and hematology unit. By Stephanie Quinn, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
Note from See the Triumph: As part of our series this month on Intimate Partner Violence, Stigma, and the Media, this week we’re featuring a series of reviews of books and films that address the topic of domestic violence. In this series, guest blogger Stephanie Quinn shares insights about how these resources depict the issue, as well as resources for learning more. ******************************************* There are not many films that accurately show the horrors of domestic violence. In an attempt to discover how interpersonal violence (IPV) is portrayed on film, I watched the movies Safe Haven and What’s Love Got to Do with It. The first is a fictional story based on the book of the same name by Nicholas Sparks. The second is based on musical artist Tina Turner’s memoirs. These two films are not entirely realistic or representative of the average woman’s life experience, but they do show the sad and frightening reality of domestic violence. Safe Haven tells the story of Katie, a woman who was in a violent relationship with her alcoholic husband. Katie once had the courage to call the police after a violent incident, but because her husband was a detective and employee at the police station, no charges were filed. Realizing that her situation would be more difficult to escape from that she anticipated, she began creating a long-term plan. Finally, with the help of neighbors, she was able to escape. Having also read the book this movie was based on, I found that the film does not include enough of story of Katie’s abuse. Katie experienced symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder including nightmares and flashbacks in the film, but little of her life prior to the escape is shown. Most of the movie focuses on the subsequent love story she has with a man she meets in her new town. For those interested in her story outside of the romance, I would recommend the book. In What’s Love Got to Do with It, we meet Anna Mae Bullock. Performer Ike Turner discovered Anna Mae and helped develop her talents and her career. This led a romantic relationship, and subsequently their marriage and Anna Mae’s stage name that we all know today- Tina Turner. Eventually the duo became successful, famous, and financially wealthy, but Ike was physically abusive to Tina throughout the marriage. The film showed a realistic portrayal of violence. Like most IPV, the violence cycled. After an episode of hurting Tina, Ike would be on his best behavior for a while. In one scene, he awakens her after a night of violence with a gift. Because Ike had helped make Tina the star she was, she felt obligated to stay with him through the violence. When Tina finally divorced Ike, she let him take all of her assets in order to get away from him as quickly and as easily as possible. This left her with nothing but her stage name to build a career on. Yet, years after leaving Ike and her abuse, she became an idol and award winning singer. While both of these films may not have the most realistic endings- a quick and perfect romance and a Grammy winning career- they do give hope to what can happen when a woman is able to leave her abuser. Both films provide the audience with a taste of what a violent relationship can be like while appreciating the courage that both heroines had throughout their abuse. For Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks: http://www.amazon.com/Safe-Haven-Nicholas-Sparks/dp/0446547573/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406142919&sr=8-1&keywords=safe+haven Safe Haven the Film: http://www.amazon.com/Safe-Haven-Julianne-Hough/dp/B00COGXGNQ/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1406142967&sr=8-2&keywords=safe+haven What’s Love Got to Do with It: http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Love-Got-Angela-Bassett/dp/B003SHYW4C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406142999&sr=8-1&keywords=whats+love+got+to+do+with+it Stephanie Quinn is a second year masters student in Counseling and Educational Development at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Originally from Iowa, she moved to North Carolina to attend Elon University where she received her bachelor's degree in Human Service Studies. Specializing in couples and families, she is currently interning at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center this fall, where she works with families in the children's oncology and hematology unit. By Stephanie Quinn, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
Note from See the Triumph: As part of our series this month on Intimate Partner Violence, Stigma, and the Media, this week we’re featuring a series of reviews of books and films that address the topic of domestic violence. In this series, guest blogger Stephanie Quinn shares insights about how these resources depict the issue, as well as resources for learning more. ******************************************* Picture Perfect is a novel by Jodi Picoult about a woman who wakes up in a graveyard and can remember nothing about her life. She eventually discovers her name, Cassie, and finds her way home. In a seemingly encouraging turn of events, she learns that the husband she forgot is an award-winning actor in Los Angeles. She comes home to a mansion and realizes that she had been living a life of luxury. Unfortunately, Cassie’s story does not happily end there. She begins to feel inexplicably uncomfortable around her husband, especially when he becomes upset. As her past comes back to her, she begins recalling memories of her husband being physically abusive toward her. Like many women in violent relationships, Cassie is torn between staying and leaving. As the wife of a movie star, she is in many ways living a life that most people could only dream of- multiple homes, chefs and butlers, and movie premieres. While most women in violent relationships are not experiencing these benefits, multiple different aspects of a partnership can make leaving difficult. Many women stay because they are economically dependent on their spouse. Others may fear what the perpetrator would do if they left. No matter what the reason is, leaving an abusive relationship is always challenging. There can still be some positive aspects to a relationship, and women may have to grieve the loss of their marriage, despite the abuse they suffered. Another issue Cassie faces is the outside world’s perception of her marriage. Cassie was seen as privileged to have entered the world of Hollywood. Many viewed her life as a Cinderella story. While most women in violent situations are not married to Hollywood actors, many have experienced the pressure to stay in a relationship from family, friends, or religious communities. Some people outside of the relationship may not fully understand the dangers of staying in an abusive home. For the reasons listed above and countless others, leaving a violent relationship can be challenging. To learn more about safety strategies, check out the following link about safety planning with a counselor, social worker, or other domestic violence professional: http://www.dvsafetyplanning.org/safety-strategies-booklet.html To learn more about or purchase Picture Perfect: http://www.amazon.com/Picture-Perfect-Jodi-Picoult-ebook/dp/B000QUEHP8 Stephanie Quinn is a second year masters student in Counseling and Educational Development at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Originally from Iowa, she moved to North Carolina to attend Elon University where she received her bachelor's degree in Human Service Studies. Specializing in couples and families, she is currently interning at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center this fall, where she works with families in the children's oncology and hematology unit. 11/18/2014 1 Comment Book Review: Dreamland, by Sarah DessenBy Stephanie Quinn, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
Note from See the Triumph: As part of our series this month on Intimate Partner Violence, Stigma, and the Media, this week we’re featuring a series of reviews of books and films that address the topic of domestic violence. In this series, guest blogger Stephanie Quinn shares insights about how these resources depict the issue, as well as resources for learning more. ********************************************** Dreamland is a young adult novel by Sarah Dessen that tells the story of Caitlin, a high school student who is trying to live up to her perfect older sister. At first, the story is predictable. In attempts to be different from her sister, she takes up activities at school that her sister was not involved in and starts dating a boy that her parents do not like. However, these small acts of rebellion continue to grow as Caitlin hides more pieces of her relationship from her parents- her boyfriend’s drug use, how he will not allow her to see her friends, and her declining grades from spending too much time with him. Caitlin is initially flattered by this attention and believes that the closer he holds onto her, the more he loves her. However, his controlling behaviors begin to frighten Caitlin as they become more emotionally abusive. Soon, Caitlin’s fears are further confirmed when he begins to physically abuse her. Sadly, teen-dating violence is a prevalent problem today. Women ages 16- 24 are three times as likely to be in violent relationships as women of other ages (Dating Violence). Young people are often happy to have someone who is so interested in them and have a difficult time differentiating what are appropriate behaviors in a new relationship. According to one survey, 36% of teens reported calling their partner 10 or more times in one hour to check up on them (Technology). This was a self-reported figure, which shows that many teens today may consider that this obsessive type of behavior demonstrates their love for their partner. While teen dating violence can be very similar to other types of IPV, it can have some unique features as well. For example, this book showed how technology could impact violence. When Caitlin’s boyfriend called, he expected her to answer. Technology is becoming more and more a part of a teenager’s world, and some teens may experience digital abuse. Examples of this include: expecting one’s partner to always have their phones with them and respond, excessive or unwanted calls or messages through phone or social media, and sending pornographic images, videos, or messages. Technology gives the abuser increased access to the victim. Furthermore, digital abuse can be easier to hide from parents and teachers. To learn more about how to use social networks safely, visit http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/digital-abuse/social-networking-safety. To hear stories from real teens about their experiences with teen dating violence, here is a link to videos from the Love is Not Abuse curriculum: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZDLL1j9LpK8tRJEgcTN6OBCCKjQSK1Nu To buy Dreamland by Sarah Dessen: http://www.amazon.com/Dreamland-Sarah-Dessen/dp/0142401757 References
Stephanie Quinn is a second year masters student in Counseling and Educational Development at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Originally from Iowa, she moved to North Carolina to attend Elon University where she received her bachelor's degree in Human Service Studies. Specializing in couples and families, she is currently interning at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center this fall, where she works with families in the children's oncology and hematology unit. 
By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder
Imagine this: You just got home from a long day at work, your children are tired but wound up after a full day at school, and it’s been raining all day, so your hair is looking just as frazzled as you feel. Your main goals are to get dinner on the table for the family and then try to enjoy a restful evening at home so you’ll be ready to take on an equally busy day tomorrow. But then, seemingly out of the blue, you get a call from a local television station inviting you to do an interview that evening--within the hour, in fact--for a story they’re doing on domestic violence, which they’re planning to run later that night in the 11 o’clock news. This exact scenario played out for me a couple years ago, as the local TV station knew of my work related to domestic violence and was seeking someone to provide information about the dynamics of domestic violence to include in the story. There had been a horrific domestic violence homicide in my community, and as the story was hitting the news, the TV station wanted to include information to help its viewers understand the dynamics of domestic violence, as well as resources in the community to help. My initial response? I wanted to say, “No!” I explained that I had my two young children at home with me so wouldn’t be able to meet them for an interview, to which the reporter responded that he could come to meet me in my home. Then, I asked if they had contacted other professionals who work to address domestic violence in our community, including local law enforcement officers and the local domestic violence agency. His response? Something like, “We’ve tried to contact everyone, and you’re the only person we’ve been able to get in touch with.” My last-ditch effort was to ask if they could meet me in my office the next day, when I’d have more time to prepare for the interview. To this, he said that the story would be running that night, and it was absolutely essential that they do the interview that evening. Despite all the reasons this interview was not good timing, I knew I had no choice but to say yes --it was an all-too-important opportunity to educate the community about domestic violence. And, the information he was asking about was especially important at that moment because I knew it’s possible that, when people hear stories about other people experiencing domestic violence in the news (and especially about a homicide), it can prompt them to seek help or reach out to someone in their life who’s in an abusive relationship. And so, I said yes. And I did the interview...It wasn’t my best interview, and I wasn’t completely happy with how it turned out at the time, but it got the job done and shared the information that they wanted to include. What I learned from this experience was how important it is for those of us who work to raise awareness about domestic violence to be ready for whenever the opportunity arises to share messages that educate others about the dynamics of abusive relationships. This sort of information is essential for communities working to prevent further abuse, support survivors, and hold offenders accountable. Sometimes, media coverage about domestic violence is planned long in advance, such as if a magazine is planning an in-depth story about the issue. But, in my experience, most media coverage about domestic violence springs up without much notice, often in response to a major case--such as a homicide--hitting the local news or a high-profile case involving a celebrity or professional athlete. For a recent example of this, we need look no further than the flurry of media coverage of domestic violence after the Ray Rice videos surfaced. And so, we need to be ready to answer the call when the moment arises. Here are three pieces of information I suggest you prepare now so that you’d be ready at moment’s notice if an interview opportunity arises:
By educating our communities about domestic violence through the media, we can reach new audiences and create greater support in our communities for survivors. By Stephanie Quinn, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
Note from See the Triumph: As part of our series this month on Intimate Partner Violence, Stigma, and the Media, this week we’re featuring a series of reviews of books and films that address the topic of domestic violence. In this series, guest blogger Stephanie Quinn shares insights about how these resources depict the issue, as well as resources for learning more. ******************************************* Crazy Love is a memoir by Leslie Morgan Steiner. Steiner experienced domestic violence in her first marriage, and was finally able to escape after two years. Reading or hearing about the real life experiences of a survivor can give readers a small piece of what it would have been like to face this kind of abuse. Steiner tells her story with dignity and honesty. She also speaks from a unique point of view. While domestic violence can occur at any level of socioeconomic status, most people forget that women who are economically stable and well educated can also experience abuse. Steiner was a Harvard graduate before meeting her ex-husband and graduated from the prestigious Wharton School of Business while still in her abusive marriage. Not only was she well educated, but she also considered herself a progressive woman. When marrying her abuser, she asked the minister to take the word “obey” out of her wedding vows. Furthermore, when she became concerned about her situation, she researched academic journals and contacted university professors under the guise of writing an article about domestic violence. This is not the typical behavior that most people would consider when talking about abuse victims. Through Steiner’s story, we are reminded that abuse can happen to anyone. Despite her circumstances, Steiner continued to love her husband throughout their marriage. Like many batterers, he had a difficult childhood that included physical abuse and Steiner felt she needed to be there to love him in a way that his family could not. Steiner bravely stated that she wanted to “save” her batterer and help him become a better person. When Steiner spoke with a university professor who specialized in domestic violence, he told her, “Leaving is actually the best way for her to help the batterer, and our society, because she is letting him, and the world know that what he has done is wrong and totally unacceptable. By removing herself from the relationship, she makes it clear that she cannot help him, paving the way for him to realize that the violence is his responsibility, his fault, and that he is the only one accountable for his behavior”( Steiner, 242). While this was difficult for Steiner to hear, it sparked something inside of her. She did not leave her husband immediately after this conversation, but she did begin to consider more carefully what was actually best for her husband, and eventually she realized that staying was hurting them both. Steiner spoke during a TED conference in 2012. Her talk was titled “Why Domestic Violence Victims Don’t Leave.” If you would like to learn more about her, watch her TED talk or read her book, Crazy Love: https://www.ted.com/talks/leslie_morgan_steiner_why_domestic_violence_victims_don_t_leave Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Love-Leslie-Morgan-Steiner/dp/0312377460/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1405629069&sr=1-4&keywords=crazy+love Stephanie Quinn is a second year masters student in Counseling and Educational Development at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Originally from Iowa, she moved to North Carolina to attend Elon University where she received her bachelor's degree in Human Service Studies. Specializing in couples and families, she is currently interning at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center this fall, where she works with families in the children's oncology and hematology unit. |
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