By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder

Abuse is wrong. At See the Triumph, we believe firmly that there is no place for abuse in our society and especially in healthy relationships. We also believe that people who perpetrate abuse should be held fully accountable for their actions and the consequences of them.

Unfortunately, however, all too often it is the survivors of the abuse who end up paying the price for their abusers’ actions. Consider the following statements made by participants in our research:

“It upsets me that I have to pay for what other people have done to me.”

“I have to pay financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually for the cruelty of others.”

If abuse is wrong in the first place, how much more insult is added to injury when victims and survivors of abuse are forced to pay the extensive costs that often are involved in their recovery process. These costs can come in many forms: counseling and medical bills, legal fees for quality representation in criminal and family court, lost income due to missed work during and after the relationship, and replacing items destroyed or lost in the process of leaving the relationships, to name just a few.

In a small number of actual cases, survivors may have access to victim’s compensation funds to help offset some of these costs. However, we’ve heard from many survivors in our See the Triumph research studies that they were left to bear the burden of the financial costs of the abuse on their own. This becomes even more challenging when their abusers had limited their work and educational options as a form of control in the relationship.

Together, we must continue to develop solutions to ensure that abusers are held accountable for bearing the full responsibility for their abuse and its consequences, and this includes the financial costs for survivors. When abusers refuse or are unable to pay the price, community resources should do all they can to help support survivors in covering these financial costs and keeping services free or low-cost.

Victims do not choose to be abused--their abusers choose to act in violent, abusive ways. Let’s keep working to ensure that victims and survivors do not have to pay the price for the actions of others who have already attempted to hurt them in so many other ways.



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By Sara Forcella, See the Triumph Contributor

Financial abuse is one form of abuse that is rarely talked about and is less understood than other types of abuse. This especially holds true for the college population. Financial abuse occurs when one partner uses abuse tactics to maintain power and control over their partner. Some pretty common forms of financial abuse include things such as controlling where and when your partner takes a job, not allowing your partner to work, not allowing your partner to have control over their own income, or hiding or keeping money from your partner.

Students who find themselves in financially abusive relationships during college may be dealing with some similar, yet specific forms of this abuse. Many students rely on financial aid to not only help them pay for classes, but afford things like meals, toiletries, and clothing. Financial aid monetary funds can be used to easily maintain power over a partner. Stealing a partner’s financial aid check, or limiting what they are allowed to use that financial aid on is certainly a form of abuse. Partners may also use their financial aid package as a way to ensure that their partner does not leave the relationship.

Things like student ID’s make it easy for abusers to purchase food and other items using their partner's money. They may also use ID cards as a way to monitor and dictate the amount of money that their partner is able to use. For instance, an abuser may maintain control over a student’s access to their online ID Card account, giving them the ability to add money to that card when they chose.

Students from varying backgrounds may also face financial abuse if their partners use their own financial privilege over their partner. Making your partner feel bad because they are unable to afford things such as off-campus meals, weekend getaways, and athletic games can also be a form of abuse.

Just like physical or emotional abuse, abuse is abuse, and it is never okay. Students who are dealing with financial abuse may consider reaching out to an on-campus office for help, such as a Women’s Center, Counseling Center, Campus Police, or the Office of Student Conduct. ​

By An Anonymous Guest Blogger

“Babe, would you like to use my credit card for that?”

These were the words that constantly left my mouth during my previous relationship with my abuser.  It’s quite interesting the way I first learned about credit cards…actually, my abuser, the person who constantly worried about my financial position, particularly in terms of acquiring debt while I was in college, suggested that I apply for a credit card in order to make a large purchase for him.  At the time, I was still relatively naïve, being an older teenager in college, but I knew that his family lacked the financial resources he truly needed to be a successful student. Since I constantly wanted him to be happy, I obliged to his request.

The understanding we had was that he would pay me back immediately after he received his refund check for school in order to pay off the debt, approximately $1500 or so if I remember correctly, which he did.  However, in the months and years to come after this initial purchase, I would find myself using my own financial resources to continue keeping him happy, even if he never directly asked me to.

To provide a little more detail, I don’t recall many times after his initial request that my abuser directly asked me to cover various expenses.  However, given the power and control dynamics of our relationship, I was constantly striving to keep him happy…whether that was through purchasing gifts for him that I thought he would like, covering meals and trips, paying his cell phone bill, and even making purchases that we discussed he would eventually pay back.  I found that I was attempting to please someone that could never be pleased. I remember one specific time where I spent nearly $500 for a special Valentine’s Day outing on a small yacht in the city where I lived at the time towards the end of our relationship.  Despite the nearly perfect date and the most romantic time we had shared in a while, the day still resulted in a violent altercation by the end of the night, evidently because I made him “feel stupid” at some point on our way home.

Sometimes I still get angry with myself for all of the things I did for him financially – paying his bills, buying him gifts, and covering larger expenses that I thought he would eventually back me back for.  When I think back to my intention in risking my own financial position as a young adult who had just graduated from college at the time, all I can think about is the subtle way that my abuser would manipulate me into financially abusive situations knowing that I could not truly afford to do so.  I also believe he consciously knew that he would never repay me or contribute to the relationship financially in any way as long as I “volunteered” to cover everything.

Needless to say, I was never reimbursed for the debt I accumulated through my credit card purchases I made for him either during or after I left the relationship.  Ultimately, it took nearly 2 years for me to pay off my outstanding credit card debt, which mostly consisted of larger purchases I had made for him over the years I presumed he would help me pay back.  While this was a discouraging process to go through, I have to stop myself sometimes and remember to not blame myself for past actions given the power and control dynamics that were at play.

To current victims and survivors of financial abuse with an intimate partner or other trusted individual – be gentle on yourself and on your heart when thinking about these issues.  Remember that no one deserves to be abused in any form or fashion.  It is possible to seek help and recover from the aftermath of an abusive relationship from a financial standpoint.  Despite the grim outlook at first, with confidence, discipline, support, and self-compassion, one can overcome the aftermath of financial abuse.

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​By Kelly King, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
 
An important, often overlooked, area for survivors in recovery can be their financial situation. Finances can be important to consider since they might determine access to resources (such as medical appointments or child care) and relate to feelings of empowerment and self-reliance. Researchers with connections to the See the Triumph campaign set out to listen to and reflect the experiences of survivors of IPV in terms of their finances. Survivors in our study estimated their costs for physical health care (visits to doctors, filling prescriptions, etc.) with an average of $13,990.68, an average of $8,662.64 for mental health care (meeting with counselors, psychiatrists, etc.) and $3,408.33 for cognitive health care (testing, etc.). Survivors also described their experiences of these costs, financial abuse and the challenges of rebuilding their lives. This blog post describes some of their observations and might suggest areas to consider as you pursue financial well-being.
 
Many survivors noted work-related difficulties, including trouble finding or keeping jobs. For some people, this trouble was related to their abusive partner’s pattern of controlling their ability to work. For others, working was difficult because they were also managing health care appointments, dealing with mental or physical health symptoms, attending court dates, finding affordable childcare and concerned for their safety.  Difficulty with work can mean that you do not feel financially independent and secure. Working can also be an important way to feel empowered and active for people who are able to choose jobs that fit their personal strengths.
 
Costs from legal fees, childcare, health care and debt/bankruptcy were other burdens that survivors in our study discussed. Many people described feeling overwhelmed by the costs and identified whether they were able to cover these costs or if they turned to government assistance or help from their social circles. Unfortunately, 74.4% of survivors indicated that they did not access victim’s compensation (reimbursement for legal, physical, mental, and/or cognitive costs). This might be an option for survivors facing large costs, and varies by state and community.
 
In addition, survivors highlighted the quality of life costs that come up in the aftermath of abuse. Whether survivors are dealing with physical injuries, or feelings of anxiety or depression, these symptoms lower their ability to enjoy life or feel secure. Some survivors expressed concern that this would never change whereas others noted some positive developments as more time passed and they continued to rebuild their lives- seeking counseling, support from friends and family, and getting involved in new lines of work and hobbies.
 
Survivors demonstrated the many ways that IPV can impact your financial situation. It is our hope that this information might help to show you that it is normal to deal with financial difficulties following IPV. You are not alone in this struggle and there are resources! If you are in need of resources in this area, you might begin your search at http://www.clicktoempower.org/.