Blog Archives

2/27/2013

"I also had the support of my family and one close friend"

2/25/2013

"I'm not as judgmental and elitist as I once was"

2/21/2013

"I contend that's not the case at all for me and many others"

2/20/2013

Blame and Stigma

A key component of stigma is blame. Victim-blaming occurs when people view victims as responsible for the abuse they experienced and do not hold their perpetrators fully accountable for their actions. Many participants in our study felt blamed by others, as is illustrated in the following quotes:

“I experienced blame by others stating that staying was my fault or that my not ‘fighting back’ somehow made me responsible. I feel that each time I disclose that I am an IPV survivor I am labeled in some way either as a victim, a survivor, stupid, etc…”
“My family, although completely supportive of me when I was leaving both abusive relationships, have frequently questioned my ‘taste in men’ and felt that I am attracted to cruel men. They have always believed me about the abuse, and also supported me in leaving, but there is a feeling of blame that I got into the relationships in the first place.”
“There is a stereotype for girls and women who are in these types of relationships. People always assume it's the woman's fault because she stays. They also look at you like you're a loser, a piece of trash. I've heard so many people say (when they're unaware I have been there) that these women deserve what they get because they stay. They MUST like the abuse because they stick around. Ignorance.”
“My family supported me in leaving the relationship but also blamed me for becoming involved with this man to start with. Some people, upon learning about the relationship, began to treat me as though I had asked to be abused.”
“No one ever really did anything to try and get me away from him. I don't know if maybe they just didn't realize that a 16 year old can't make adult decisions. I felt that since there WERE certain people that knew, and yet no one helped me… that they MUST think it was my fault.”
“I worry that people will think I'm a slut, that I'm passive, that I ‘asked for it’.

How do you think these victim-blaming attitudes contribute to the challenges survivors face in overcoming their abuse?

2/19/2013

"I did not understand my own feelings"

2/18/2013

"Oh, if you could see me now!!!"

2/15/2013

"I am perfectly happy with me"

2/14/2013

Teen Dating Violence

Intimate partner violence can occur at any age when people enter into romantic relationships. In honor of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, we want to share the following quote from one of our participants:

“I feel as if I experienced discrimination and stereotyping by professionals (police officers, counselors) when I tried to get help, or sometimes by individuals if I told my story. It's like they had one opinion of me (young, energetic, bright college student) but then when I disclosed the abuse none of that other stuff mattered about me. All they could see was this stereotype of an abused woman.”

In what ways do you think that common “stereotypes of abused women” keep teenagers and others who don’t fit the stereotype from receiving the help they need?

2/13/2013

"I have always been a very powerful type of person..."

2/12/2013

Relationship Challenges

For many survivors of domestic violence, entering new intimate relationships after past experiences with abusive partners gives rise to some new challenges. For example, read through the following quotes from participants in our studies:

“I took 2 years after my divorce to start dating again. I wanted to make sure that I took time for myself to heal. Honestly though, even now, I carry a lot of this pain and hurt with me. “
“Although I was never again in an abusive relationship, after we broke up I would find myself attracted to/going on dates with guys who would turn out to have a history of being abusive or who would show warning signs that they could turn abusive. I couldn't understand why I seemed to be attracted to these types of individuals, but I didn't trust myself not to end up in an abusive situation again so I stopped dating altogether for 4 years and just focused on having fun with my friends and graduating college.”
“I've not even attempted to enter into another relationship as I felt it was best that I focus on raising my children, and learning to love myself. Maybe now that they are grown I may date again."
“Subsequent romantic partners commonly attributed problems in the relationship to my abuse history. All my opinions and emotional responses were reduced to me overreacting because of my trauma history.”

What do you think survivors can do to address these challenges?

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