By Susan Danielsen, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
Unless or until it involves celebrities, politicians, or athletes, domestic violence seems to get very little national attention. Of course, there are some well-known folks who make this topic their platform or cause célèbre; and, by connecting their names to the issue, domestic violence never really leaves our consciousness. Yet, despite the (seemingly) more frequent news splashes about someone-famous-we-have-never-heard-of-before-this making headlines about abuse, and the omnipresent lists of celebrities who are domestic violence advocates, the topic of intimate partner abuse still seems very distant to so many people. They don’t get it. ‘They’ are the people who have certainly heard about domestic violence (who hasn’t?), but who have never been affected by it. ‘They’ have never been involved in an abusive relationship, or don’t think they know anyone who has. To ‘them’, domestic violence is an ugly – but abstract-- condition that affects only other people. To ‘them’ the stories of domestic violence are remote and disconnected from ‘their’ world. After all, the faces of famous victims or abusers that reach them through their televisions or mobile devices or computers are pixels on a screen. They are images of people they know only through the media; people who live vastly different lives than they do. ‘Those people’ – the celebrities, the athletes, the politicians, - are not ‘them’ – the teacher, the clerk, the small business owner, the-person-most-would-consider-ordinary. But, you, local survivor of an abusive relationship, are ‘them’. You are the person who lives next door, the person who works hard for a paycheck, the person who seems to blend in to everyday life. You are NOT the person who has national fame, or an Oscar, or a Heisman. You are just a regular person. You are not ‘those people’. You are ‘them’. You are…..Just. Like. Us. We see ourselves in you. We don’t see ourselves in the million-dollar-an-episode-actress, or the world record holder, or the six-term politician who couldn’t figure out how to find the canned soup in a grocery store without a forming a committee and doing a study on the most effective shelf displays. And THAT is what makes your story of your journey out of an abusive relationship so very, very powerful. You are real. You are us. We are you. We can relate to you. Domestic violence is not so distant anymore: you are the face of someone we know. You are someone we have seen, spoken with, or maybe even touched. Your circumstances, your pain, your courage, are REAL. We know you. You will still be a part of our lives long after the rich and famous have their news splashes, court case, and any made-for-TV movie. Because we see you in us, you MUST tell your story. And you must tell it often. And tell it loud. And tell it with pride. For your voice is powerful to us than any celebrity’s. Susan Danielsen is the Public Information Officer for the Greensboro (N.C.) Police Department. 11/25/2014 Why We Do What We DoThe See the Triumph Vision Statement is:
"We envision a world in which every person knows that they have the right to a safe and healthy relationship. We are working toward a society in which victims and survivors of all forms of abuse can seek help and recover in the absence of stigma." Learn more about why we started See the Triumph at the following link: http://www.seethetriumph.org/the-origins-of-see-the-triumph.html. By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder
If you’re like me, sometimes you’ve read or seen a story about domestic violence in the media, and it’s made you cringe because of how the story was reported or the misinformation it included. Or maybe you’ve also experienced stronger reactions, such as outrage and anger. Chances are, if you’re informed about the dynamics of domestic violence and you care about the issue, you’ve noticed examples of irresponsible--and possibly even unsafe--media reporting about the issue. Examples of practices that I consider to be irresponsible reporting include providing incorrect information about the dynamics of abusive relationships, framing stories in ways that blame victims, and providing details in stories that could pose safety risks for victims. You can take action to prevent problematic reporting, correct misinformation that is conveyed, and work proactively to promote safe, responsible media reporting about domestic violence. These steps include the following:
Therefore, whenever possible, I suggest that advocates for raising awareness about domestic violence in local communities work proactively, over time to build relationships with reporters and others (e.g., administrators and news directors). With strong relationships with members of the media in your communities, you can work together to learn about the nature of each other’s work, as well as to develop strategies to have domestic violence be covered in safe, responsible ways in your community. 11/25/2014 Preventing Vicarious Trauma By Olga Phoenix, See the Triumph Guest Blogger My name is Olga, and I am a Vicarious Trauma Survivor… Between 40%-85% of “helping professionals” develop vicarious trauma, compassion fatigue and high rates of traumatic symptoms (Mathieu, 2012). How do we become vicarious trauma statistics? Seven years ago, I was training new domestic violence advocates on the topic of "Domestic Violence and Children Who Witness It." In the middle of my training I called for an emergency break and asked my training partner to continue without me. I ran outside, nauseated, covered in cold sweat, my heart exploding out of my chest, and ready to pass out. I was experiencing a full blown panic attack as a result of the material I was training on. Back then, it didn't occur to me to connect my adverse reaction to the fact that I witnessed my father murdering my mother as a child. After that panic attack incident my family and friends urged me to leave the field, concerned about my mental and physical health, my nightmares, my growing isolation and withdrawal, and my lack of life outside of work. I stayed because I felt that I had to stay no matter what, for my mom. I felt like I owed her that, to be working towards domestic violence elimination daily. Seven year ago, I thought that I was a Wonder Woman and my past did not define me. I still think exactly the same, except now I know that in order to help someone else heal, I first have to heal my own personal wounds, and then continue practicing radical vicarious trauma prevention and wellness in order to maintain a life free of vicarious trauma while working in the trauma field. The majority of us come to trauma-related work for a reason, often having our personal untreated histories of trauma, which makes us vulnerable to vicarious traumatization. My supervisor suggested I try therapy. That was one of the best suggestions that I ever took, and it started my seven year journey to healing and wellness. After a while, I learned that I don't owe anything to anyone, including my mom. I do this work because it inspires, empowers, and moves me. I get to do this work because I feel like I am contributing to bettering of the world, and that makes me feel like a real Wonder Woman. But in order to get to work in the trauma field, I must take care of myself. I must put myself first, always, because doing this is not selfish, but brave and effective. Putting myself first keeps me healthy and balanced in all areas of my life, for me, for my family, and for my clients. As victim advocates (aka helping/trauma professionals) we tend to wrap our whole identity around our work, our partner, and/or our children, trying to please everyone. We are constantly reaching for perfection, and forgetting ourselves in the process. We often fall short of our unreachable expectations. Perfection is impossible. Perfection is really a myth, created to keep us forever dissatisfied, guilty, and ashamed of ourselves. We are always striving for more, better, faster, but keep coming up short. This cycle, which keeps us out of balance, prevents us from building healthy and full life. I must foster and nurture life outside of work. I need to know I am not just a “victim advocate.” I am a friend, a sister, a mother, a cousin, an auntie. I’m spiritual, vulnerable seeker of wisdom, and an ocean lover. I can be intellectual, connected with nature, goofy, and loud at times. Sometimes I just feel lazy and want to escape to Tahiti. I’m also a student, a writer, world traveler, and a lover, who is full of life and gratitude. I can be a compassionate self-forgiver who is sometimes very hard on herself, but I know that life is a journey, not a destination. It’s progress, not perfection that counts. There are myriad of facets of me, and this doesn’t even scratch the surface. I’m sure the same is true for you. Most of us, victim's advocates and other trauma professionals, love our jobs. We are often individuals who want to change the world, to eliminate human suffering, to make a difference in the lives of other people. And in our jobs, we can do it all! We are the Wonder Women and Wonder Men who create social change daily. We are also people who have real troubles with taking care of ourselves, who feel guilty about taking vacations, who only take a break when we are really sick, who expect perfection of ourselves. The results are tragic, really. We lose committed, dedicated, and deeply caring trauma professionals to vicarious trauma, compassion fatigue, and burnout. Like me, you may have wondered, how do I prevent vicarious trauma, compassion fatigue, and burnout from creeping into my life? How do I do this all as a victim advocate, often overworked, underpaid, emotionally, and physically drained? Fortunately, vicarious trauma is preventable. If you are interested in learning more about vicarious trauma prevention, my new book "Victim Advocate's Guide to Wellness: Six Dimensions of Vicarious Trauma-Free Life" could be of help. It is your personal guide to living healthy and content while thriving in a trauma-related field. ![]() This piece is adapted from "Victim Advocate's Guide to Wellness: Six Dimensions of Vicarious Trauma-Free Life" by Olga Phoenix. For more blogs, videos, webinars, and training dates please visit www.olgaphoenix.com Olga Phoenix is a national speaker, trainer, and an advocate. She is a founder and president of Olga Phoenix Project: Healing for Social Change, an organization dedicated to foster vicarious trauma prevention among trauma professionals, and to promote accessible, culturally relevant, and trauma-informed responses to trauma survivors through keynotes, trainings, and webinars. Ms. Phoenix is a Department of Justice Office for Victims of Crime Training and Technical Assistance Center Expert Consultant and Trainer on trauma-informed services, underserved populations, and vicarious trauma prevention; a member of Training and Mentoring Team at National Partnership to End Interpersonal Violence; as well as a member and motivational speaker at Elite Speaker's Bureau, Inc. Her new book about self-care and vicarious trauma prevention "Victim Advocate's Guide to Wellness: Six Dimensions of Vicarious Trauma-Free Life" came out in September 2014 and is available in ebook and paperback on Amazon.com @ http://www.amazon.com/Olga-Phoenix/e/B00N9M6MDU/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1414527624&sr=1-2-ent. Ms. Phoenix graduated with a Masters of Public Administration and Nonprofit Management from the University of South Florida, Masters of Arts in Women’s Studies from Florida Atlantic University, and is currently a Doctorate Candidate at California Institute of Integral Studies. 11/21/2014 3 Comments Book Review: Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Self-Help Workbook, by Edward KubayBy Stephanie Quinn, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
Note from See the Triumph: As part of our series this month on Intimate Partner Violence, Stigma, and the Media, this week we’re featuring a series of reviews of books and films that address the topic of domestic violence. In this series, guest blogger Stephanie Quinn shares insights about how these resources depict the issue, as well as resources for learning more. ******************************************* Leaving a violent relationship can be incredibly challenging. However, we often forget that leaving is not the end of an abuse survivor’s journey. For women who are recovering from a violent relationship, Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Self Help Workbook by Edward S. Kubay is a wonderful resource. It is a comprehensive guide to understanding the different cognitive and emotional issues a survivor could face. From working through the anxiety and depression to understanding the trauma, this book covers each important aspect of moving on from a violent marriage. This book could not only help women move on from their relationships, but it could also normalize what the survivor is experiencing. This book is based on cognitive trauma therapy, which uses CBT and has a strong base in education. This type of therapy includes activities on limiting negative self-talk and education on what types of symptoms may be normal. Later in the book ,the reader will work through controlled exposure to the trauma. This book requires the reader to do the work provided in order to begin healing. The “work” is not only writing out the answers and conducting the self-assessments, but it is also being open and able to respond to tough questions. While a gentle book, it also requires honesty of the reader. For instance, one question asks the reader write about any guilt they feel related to the abuse. This is not an easy question to answer or process, but it may be vital to healing if the survivor was experiencing any residual guilt from their abuse. Because some of these questions might be hard for someone to process on their own, I would recommend the use of this book in addition to a counselor. While counseling can be a difficult experience initially, talking about your abuse aloud can be healing. For counselors, this book would be a great addition to your work with a survivor. While having a client complete the entire book would be wonderful, it also contains pages that would make great activities during a session. Additionally, this book is a good educational resource for a counselor. It contains information about PTSD specific to domestic violence survivors and could help give counselors a better understanding of how a survivor’s trauma may be affecting them today. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who works in the field of domestic violence or has left a violent relationship. To find a therapist near you visit: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/ To purchase this self help book visit: http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Trauma-Domestic-Violence-Harbinger/dp/1572243694/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1405968043&sr=8-1&keywords=self+help+domestic+violence&dpPl=1 Stephanie Quinn is a second year masters student in Counseling and Educational Development at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Originally from Iowa, she moved to North Carolina to attend Elon University where she received her bachelor's degree in Human Service Studies. Specializing in couples and families, she is currently interning at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center this fall, where she works with families in the children's oncology and hematology unit. By Stephanie Quinn, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
Note from See the Triumph: As part of our series this month on Intimate Partner Violence, Stigma, and the Media, this week we’re featuring a series of reviews of books and films that address the topic of domestic violence. In this series, guest blogger Stephanie Quinn shares insights about how these resources depict the issue, as well as resources for learning more. ******************************************* There are not many films that accurately show the horrors of domestic violence. In an attempt to discover how interpersonal violence (IPV) is portrayed on film, I watched the movies Safe Haven and What’s Love Got to Do with It. The first is a fictional story based on the book of the same name by Nicholas Sparks. The second is based on musical artist Tina Turner’s memoirs. These two films are not entirely realistic or representative of the average woman’s life experience, but they do show the sad and frightening reality of domestic violence. Safe Haven tells the story of Katie, a woman who was in a violent relationship with her alcoholic husband. Katie once had the courage to call the police after a violent incident, but because her husband was a detective and employee at the police station, no charges were filed. Realizing that her situation would be more difficult to escape from that she anticipated, she began creating a long-term plan. Finally, with the help of neighbors, she was able to escape. Having also read the book this movie was based on, I found that the film does not include enough of story of Katie’s abuse. Katie experienced symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder including nightmares and flashbacks in the film, but little of her life prior to the escape is shown. Most of the movie focuses on the subsequent love story she has with a man she meets in her new town. For those interested in her story outside of the romance, I would recommend the book. In What’s Love Got to Do with It, we meet Anna Mae Bullock. Performer Ike Turner discovered Anna Mae and helped develop her talents and her career. This led a romantic relationship, and subsequently their marriage and Anna Mae’s stage name that we all know today- Tina Turner. Eventually the duo became successful, famous, and financially wealthy, but Ike was physically abusive to Tina throughout the marriage. The film showed a realistic portrayal of violence. Like most IPV, the violence cycled. After an episode of hurting Tina, Ike would be on his best behavior for a while. In one scene, he awakens her after a night of violence with a gift. Because Ike had helped make Tina the star she was, she felt obligated to stay with him through the violence. When Tina finally divorced Ike, she let him take all of her assets in order to get away from him as quickly and as easily as possible. This left her with nothing but her stage name to build a career on. Yet, years after leaving Ike and her abuse, she became an idol and award winning singer. While both of these films may not have the most realistic endings- a quick and perfect romance and a Grammy winning career- they do give hope to what can happen when a woman is able to leave her abuser. Both films provide the audience with a taste of what a violent relationship can be like while appreciating the courage that both heroines had throughout their abuse. For Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks: http://www.amazon.com/Safe-Haven-Nicholas-Sparks/dp/0446547573/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406142919&sr=8-1&keywords=safe+haven Safe Haven the Film: http://www.amazon.com/Safe-Haven-Julianne-Hough/dp/B00COGXGNQ/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1406142967&sr=8-2&keywords=safe+haven What’s Love Got to Do with It: http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Love-Got-Angela-Bassett/dp/B003SHYW4C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406142999&sr=8-1&keywords=whats+love+got+to+do+with+it Stephanie Quinn is a second year masters student in Counseling and Educational Development at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Originally from Iowa, she moved to North Carolina to attend Elon University where she received her bachelor's degree in Human Service Studies. Specializing in couples and families, she is currently interning at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center this fall, where she works with families in the children's oncology and hematology unit. |
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