By Cara Medina, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
 
It’s common for teenagers not to tell their parents that there is physical, sexual, or emotional abuse happening to them. Do you wonder why your teen doesn’t trust you enough to tell you these types of problems? Have you ever thought about how you would respond if your child told you they were being abused by their boyfriend or girlfriend?
 
Adolescents do love and trust their parents, but they may feel ashamed they have been the victim of abuse at the hands of their romantic partner. They also may not realize how serious dating violence can be and the damage it can do to their mental and physical health.
 
Also, teenagers are in a developmental stage of life that can make it difficult for them to disclose abuse. For example, teens often believe they can “handle it” themselves, even though they may need help from their parents. They often overestimate their abilities to manage a complicated situation. Children this age also tend to minimize the potential consequences of risky behaviors. They may not believe that something bad could happen to them.
 
In addition to the shame and developmental factors, they could be worried that their parents might be angry or upset and punish them, even though they’re the victim. Listed below are a few tips that could help parents if they notice any red flags of dating violence.

• Provide support and comfort rather than judgement of your child (the victim). This will help them seek out your support rather than shut you out.
• Make sure to tell your child that the abuse is not his/her fault.
• How you say it may matter more than what you say. Don’t overreact or yell.
• Listen carefully to your child’s responses to your questions and try not to give them advice unless they ask for it.
• The age of your teen plays a role in how you might respond: middle school teens may be more receptive to taking your advice than older teens, who may want to make their own decisions. However, they’ll still need your assistance.
• Don’t do it alone! Find resources through your community’s Family Justice Center or domestic violence shelters and the police department.

​References

• Black, B., & Preble, K. (2016). Parental responses to youths' reports of teen dating violence: Recommendations from parents and youth. Journal of Adolescence, 51144-155. doi:10.1016/j.adolescence.2016.06.008
• Elias-Lambert, N., Black, B. M., & Chigbu, K. U. (2014). Controlling behaviors in middle school youth’s dating relationships: Reactions and help-seeking behaviors. The Journal of Early Adolescence, 34(7), 841-865. doi:10.1177/0272431613510405
• Preble, K. M., Black, B. M., & Weisz, A. N. (2018). Teens' and parents' perceived levels of helpfulness: An examination of suggested 'things to say' to youth experiencing Teen Dating Violence. doi:10.1016/j.childyouth.2018.01.010

 

By Cara Medina, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
 
If you’re the parent of a teenager, you may be worried that your child could become a victim of teen dating violence (TDV). A report from the Center for Disease Control found that about 12% of high school females reported physical violence and about 16% reported sexual violence from a dating partner in the past 12 months. For high school males, about 7% reported physical violence and about 5% reported sexual violence. Dating violence is happening in our communities and schools and it’s something parents and teens need to be aware of.
 
One of the best ways parents can help prevent dating violence is for parents and adolescents to have open communication. If teens feel that their parents truly listen to them, they may be more likely to tell their parents if there is abuse in his/her relationship. Also, if you have open communication with your teen, you’ll be modelling a healthy relationship.
 
Even though we may hear the opposite from other parents and the media, adolescents still value their parents’ opinions and advice. If you “listen instead of lecture”, your teen will be more likely to seek out your comfort and advice when problems occur. Here are a few teen dating violence prevention tips for parents:

• Show your teen the Teen Power and Control Wheel and discuss it.
• Watch a video about Teen Dating Violence together. Ask your teen what s/he thinks about it and make sure to listen to what your he/she has to say.
• Use your own experiences or news stories in the media to teach about TDV.
• Understand the statistics and the seriousness of abusive relationships.
• Don’t be reluctant to talk with your child because you feel s/he is too young. In fact, it’s good to the conversation in middle school.

References

• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (June 10, 2016). Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teen_dating_violence.html
• Preble, K. M., Black, B. M., & Weisz, A. N. (2018). Teens' and parents' perceived levels of helpfulness: An examination of suggested 'things to say' to youth experiencing Teen Dating Violence. doi:10.1016/j.childyouth.2018.01.010
• Shorey, R. C., Cohen, J. R., Lu, Y., Fite, P. J., Stuart, G. L., & Temple, J. R. (2017). Age of onset for physical and sexual teen dating violence perpetration: A longitudinal investigation. doi:10.1016/j.ypmed.2017.10.008