The video below was created for See the Triumph by Sedonia Scott for our Teen Dating Violence Month Series. Here's what Sedonia had to say about the video:

"My name is Sedonia Scott. I have recently graduated from East Carolina University (ECU) with a Bachelor’s of Science in University Studies with a Thematic Core in Digital Storytelling for Advocacy along with a Film Studies Minor. As I surveyed my passions, successes, and failures, I determined that I am most engaged when I create videos. I thoroughly enjoy documenting people and the environment that surrounds me.  I love to capture the spirits, lives, challenges, and victories of populations through film and documentary. As a result, I chose to pursue this degree because I want to tell stories about lives as truthfully and effectively as possible. My passion for Domestic Violence advocacy arose when several of my close friends began to experience it in their relationships. As a result, I decided to use my talent and skills to support these friends in their struggles."

Dear Teenage Me…

It wasn’t your fault that nothing you seemed to do made him happy.  It wasn’t your fault that he blamed you for his countless indiscretions.  It wasn’t your fault that he made your feel responsible for his every wrong move. It wasn’t your fault that over time, you became more and more isolated from your friends and family.  It wasn’t your fault that he called you out of your name.  It wasn’t your fault he put his hands around your throat and punched you.

Love yourself and remember what love is…love is not disrespectful.  Love is not name-calling.  Love does not blame.  Love does not isolate, and love does not physically hurt.

Before getting too caught up in love, take your time to experience was love really is.  Love is gentle.  Love is kind.  Love is patient. Love is respectful.  Love is understanding, and love is supportive.

Remember what your parents instilled in you…that you deserve to be loved in the way they have shown you love. Yes, being in a romantic relationship can be a “different kind of love” than your family’s love in some ways, but it’s dramatically similar in more ways than not.  Take your time with love, don’t rush it by any means because you have plenty of time to find the person who will treat you in the way you deserve to be treated. Never forget this, as a negative relationship can have devastating long-term effects.

Heartbreak is inevitable, and it’s not realistic to say that relationships can be tough emotionally, but always that remember your worth, your values and your respect are the priorities…the positive relationship will follow.
​
Anonymous
 

Dear Teenage Kate: 
​
I haven’t been a teenager in almost a decade now, but I still remember what it feels like to be you. I know that you need to learn from experience, but I hope that you’ll at least hear me out. Dating isn’t everything. It can feel like it; especially when you’re bombarded with movies, advertisements, TV shows, family, and friends who all make it seem like the most important goal in life. Try and make your own decisions about the importance of dating.

If you do decide to embark upon the dating world; I hate to tell you this, but no one is going to teach you what a healthy relationship is. I entered the dating world with more examples of unhealthy relationships than healthy ones. The worst part is; I didn’t even realize they weren’t healthy. Remember “The Little Mermaid”? Ariel changes her entire life to be with someone who she’s only seen one time. That is not a healthy relationship. If I could re-write that story, Ariel would continue hanging out with her friends until she finished her education, and met someone who fit seamlessly into her life, and contributed to her happiness.

Keep an eye out for the positive examples. Dating is just like friendship. You wouldn’t befriend someone who has nothing in common with you, or treats you badly. It shouldn’t matter how attractive they are. Don’t be afraid to say, “It’s not me, it’s you.” You’ll be taught the opposite, but when it comes down to it, you are all that matters. Self-preservation is not rude.

Lastly, if you aren’t happy in a relationship, the other person probably isn’t either. Relationships should make you feel bigger, not smaller. Build you up, not pull you down. Occasionally, you may find yourself in a relationship that hurts; when this happens, don’t be embarrassed. Ask for help, advice, anything that you need to process the disappointment and move on. Find the people who remind you who you are.  Friends, family, co-workers, strangers even; talk to someone. You are so important.

I wish you the best,
Future Kate 

Dear Teenage Me,
 
You are worthy.
 
You are worthy of more than you could dream.  You are worthy of love, from others, but more importantly from yourself.
 
You deserve to shower yourself in love rooted in respect, dignity, honesty, compassion, and intuition. If others enter your life and tread upon any of these tenets, thus devaluing your ability to love yourself, know that you have the power to allow them to exit just as they came in.
 
Abuse not only comes in the form of bruises, but also in words.  You have always said that once a person lays a hand on you, you will leave. 
 
Why wait for that degree of harm to release you? 
 
Abuse can slip into your mind and heart unannounced and masquerade as character critiques, denouncement of your values, alteration of your reality, and “core principles you need to change about yourself, because you are wrong/bad/misinformed/less than/lacking in some manner”.  Abuse can be the voice of a partner silencing your intuition, making you doubt your gut—a force that has never failed you in the past but now seems as useful as a magnetized compass whose north needle failingly points south in the middle of the ocean. Abuse can masquerade as the words you say to yourself, “If this ever happens again, I am gone”…and then after a month’s passage, you find yourself saying them a second and third time.
 
Dear teenage me, you will encounter this.  Know that you are powerful, radiant, and bold.  You can trust yourself.  You must.
 
You can empower your intuition and voice to protect your heart—your heart is sensitive, and it is beautiful in this quality.  Even without a compass, you know how to find your home, grounding, and spirit. 
 
You are worthy of emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental safety. You have a community of family and friends who will remind you of this, but you must allow their voices to hold more collective weight than the sole voice that will tell you otherwise. More importantly, you must allow your voice—your truth—to hold the greatest weight.
 
I believe in your voice.
 
I believe in your truth.
 
I believe in your worth.
 
I believe in you.
 
With radiant and empowered love,
 
Whitney
  

Dear Teenage Me,
 
It has been a decade, but I still think about you. When I look in the mirror these days and see the new strength there, I remember how you used to stare back at me from the glass, fear and shame in your eyes.  We’ve been through so much since then, and I had a few things I wanted to share.
 
First: I want you to know that feeling sad is okay.  It’s OKAY, and you don’t have to hide your feelings to get other people to be near you. I know you’ve had some people pull away when you attempt to let them in, but TRUST ME, from the future I can tell you there are so very many other people out there… people who will accept you for who you are.
 
Sometimes you let your fears and shame drive you towards relationships where you are hiding yourself, trying to love someone else enough that they will stay with you. Sometimes you put yourself down, and let other people define who you should be. Dear one, what is the real payout there?  It can feel so nice to be cared for, … but it isn’t real if you aren’t being your genuine self and/or if they aren’t willing to be open to your genuine self. That is just bad bargaining. From someone who really bought into this plan for a long time, trust me. It just won’t work out.
 
 Oh, teenage me. You were hurt a lot before you got into this dating thing, but this is NOT your last chance. In fact there is so much ahead of you that it will make your head spin. So many good things, but also a few hard things. There is a future and new places and new people… and most of all, a long journey where you will start to find the acceptance for yourself that you so deeply want from other people. It will take a bit of courage to get there, but I know you have it. One day you will wake up up and everything will be so much better than you thought possible.
 
Keep your chin up, and be gentle with yourself.
 
-Me at 27

Dear Teenage Me…

I know your relationship is not always bad. When it is good, it is really good. He is a true romantic some of the time. One Valentine’s Day, he filled an entire couch with stuffed animals, chocolate, and flowers and led you in with eyes closed to find it. I remember he sang you love songs in the car many weekends on the way home from romantic dinners. I remember when you cried because your mom promised you a puppy that she eventually did not get, so he drove an hour away to get it for you. When he is kind, he gives you a high that lasts for days, and you are sure this is where you want to be for the rest of your life.

The community also wants you together. He goes to church, comes from a nice family, and lives in a much better neighborhood than you. He is respectful to adults, 3rd in his class, and participates in academic extracurricular activities. The teachers at your school and his family are supportive of you two being together, and by all outward appearances, it seems this boy is a real winner.

But there is another side of him that makes the relationship more difficult. He became controlling. Initially, it seemed like kindness. He took you to school each morning because he did not want you to ride the bus that he knew you hated. He wanted you to join the same clubs as him because he knew you would enjoy them. He wanted you to take the same classes and spend every waking moment with him because he loved you so much, he could not stand to be away from you. You didn’t like the clothes he picked out for you, but wore them anyway because he thought you were beautiful in them, and that was what you were looking for…to feel beautiful. Things were great until you disagreed with his requests, or shall I say demands? 

I warn you that his kindness is a tool. He is manipulating you in an effort to establish control. If you do not leave, there will come a time that he spits on you. He will pull your hair and scratch your face because you went to a gym with your family member. He will rip your shirt off of your body because he does not like you wearing a V-neck. He will call you a whore for drinking out of another guy’s drink when you were thirsty. He will show up at a restaurant when you are celebrating a birthday with your childhood friends, crying and disheveled, because you went without him and he was sure you were cheating.  I also remember that in the end, it will be he who strays outside of the relationship, and you will be devastated, but it will be the best thing to ever happen to you.

I wish I could tell you to leave him before he caused so much damage to your self-esteem and future relationships. A controlling partner does not replace a protective father. This is something you must work through. It will take you years to trust again, but please do trust again. I wish I could tell you that all men are not like him, love is not what he has shown you, and you are worthy of a respectful partner. Love should not be hard, nor should it be jealous or fear-inducing. Love is comfortable like a pillow. When life gets hard, your true love will be a place to rest.

Crystal

​My name is Crystal, and I’m in my early 30s. I am in college and have two boys that I hope to raise to be respectful, caring, and supportive gentlemen. I have been in a healthy relationship for 14 years and hope that my story, although mild compared to other people’s experiences, can help another free themselves from the grip of abuse and see the triumph in breaking the cycle. 

By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder
 
During February of each year at See the Triumph, we always like to have a special focus on teen dating violence to go along with Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. We believe that this month is a great time of the year to get conversations going with teenagers about the importance of building safe and healthy relationships as they navigate the dating scene.
 
This year, we’re really excited about the special theme we have planned for our Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month series. Our series this month is called, “Dear Teenage Me…,” and our goal throughout the month is to share blog posts in which our bloggers reflect on what they know now about safe, healthy relationships that they wish they would have known when they were teenagers.
 
In our “Dear Teenage Me…” series, we’re drawing on several sources of inspiration. First, we’ve had two past See the Triumph blog posts that offered messages for teenagers about dating relationships, including “A Message To Teens Who Are Dating” and “Dear Young and Heartbroken.” Second, we recently learned of the song, “Dear Younger Me,” by MercyMe which powerfully captures the loving guidance that adults often wish they could go back and give to their younger selves. As we considered what our goals were for Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month this year, these sources of inspiration resonated with our main goal for the month of getting conversations started with young people.
 
Throughout the month, we’ll be sharing letters that our team of regular and guest bloggers have written as they reflected on their own ideas about what they wished they knew when they were teenagers. We hope that these messages will resonate with teens and adults. And, if you’re an adult with one or more teenagers in your life, we encourage you to write your own letter and share it with a teenager that you’d like to engage in a dialogue about safe and healthy dating experiences. What messages would you hope you can pass along to the teens in your life that could help them navigate their current and future relationships?
 
We hope you’ll enjoy reading the “Dear Teenage Me…” posts we’ll share throughout his month. More than just reading and enjoying them, though, we hope that you’ll be inspired to get talking with the teens in your life—and in ways that capture the spirit of loving guidance that you’d want to go back and give to yourself if you could. Of course, we can’t go back and change the past. And, we may not want to do that even if we could. But, we certainly can look back to our past experiences, think about how we’ve grown and what we’ve learned, and consider how we can use our own experiences to help influence the current generation of teenagers to build safe, healthy relationships, today and in the years to come!

By Allison Crowe, See the Triumph Co-Founder

Loveisrespect.org (2015) reported that over 80% of parents of teens either do not believe that teen dating violence (TDV) is an issue that teens face, or do not know whether it is an issue for teens. This statistic suggests that many parents may not understand TDV, and are not aware of how to best support their children if they suspect an abusive dating relationship. However, we know that parents play a huge role in their teens’ lives! Parent-child communication is an important protective factor for teens. Because of this, one of our newest resources at See the Triumph is a Discussion Guide for Parents who want to talk to their teens about dating violence but who might need a little extra help on getting these discussions started. Talking about dating, intimacy, and relationships is one of the ways to establish honesty, communication, and openness so that something like teen dating violence never occurs. The following 3 tips and suggestions are offered to assist how to establish and continue the routine of having these types of open conversations in families. This list of tips is by no means exhaustive – it is just a few ideas that come to mind for how to sustain good habits for open dialogue.

#1 Set aside time as a family to check in with one another. Whether this is at the dinner table, on a particular night of the week, or whenever you have a hunch that it might be a good time to talk, reach out to your teen (or teens, reach out to your parent). Consider this a “check-in” to see how the other is doing, how their day at school/work went, etc. Sometimes a small issue can get resolved or explored before it gets bigger when it’s discussed early. This could be as simple as, “Is everything okay with you?” or “How has your week been?” Or you might use a more structured question such as “What was everyone’s best moment this week and what was everyone’s worst moment this week?” Additionally, remember to talk about issues that are going on around you – in the news, the community, in your personal circles, etc. Open discussion on a regular basis provides opportunities for everyone in the family to share, talk openly, and practice healthy communication. The more you practice, the easier it gets! Soon, you might notice that talking in this way feels more natural and comfortable.

#2 Use “I messages” rather than “You messages.” When you are talking about yourself and your feelings and thoughts, remember to own them as yours rather than talk about the other person in the scenario. For example, teens, if you want to tell your parent about someone you are dating that your parent doesn’t seem to approve of, you might say: “I feel excited about this new guy I am dating, and it’s frustrating that you don’t seem to approve” rather than: “You don’t like this new guy I am dating….” Using “I messages” helps the listener feel less defensive and able to hear what you are saying. It also helps you really hone in and focus on yourself in the situation.

#3 Respect each other. Parents, as much as you might still see your teen as your little girl or boy, remember that he/she is in the process of becoming an adult. Teens should feel respected by parents (and vice versa), so remember to actively work on showing each other that you respect and value each other as individuals. Parents, ask your teen about his or her opinions and thoughts on matters, respect him/her as you discuss, and convey this to each other so that the other person feels valued. Teens, remember that your parent wants to feel respected and valued as well. Consider how you can convey this too.

These 3 tips are simple ways to keep the conversation going about dating, intimacy, and relationships. These are difficult topics, so it might take ongoing efforts as a family to talk about them. If it’s difficult at first, keep practicing! Healthy communication skills might take a little while to get the hang of. Overall, remember that these small conversations can pave the way to bigger, more serious ones down the road. Parents, parent-child communication is a huge protective factor for teens, so establish these discussions early on and keep these conversations going!