All-Consuming Love: Avoid Getting Burned by Staying Balanced

By Maxine Browne, See the Triumph Contributor

The bliss of new love makes time stand still.

When you meet your next Romeo (or Juliet), it’s only natural to want to spend every waking moment with them. The euphoria makes you lightheaded. But try to keep your feet on the ground and your head out of those fluffy clouds.

A healthy, balanced life includes educational and career goals, hobbies and other interests. Between your social life, activities and responsibilities, you are probably a busy person. People who actively participate in life usually have a full calendar. This is normal.

One of the keys to balance when you fall in love is to keep your life in the same rhythm as before you met You-Know-Who. After all, true love celebrates you for who you are. How can this happen if you give up your activities and stop spending time with the people you love? Your new partner needs to see you engaged in the areas that matter to you. Your partner should have activities and interests of their own. They should have friends and family as well. Your varied interests give you things to talk about when you’re together.

If Romeo or Juliet complains about your social life, they’re not the right person for you. Why would someone who cares about you expect you to stop participating in things of importance to you? Those two thoughts don’t go together well.

If you see that your new partner doesn’t have any friends, this is a different kind of problem. It could even be a sign that this is not a healthy person. Everyone has old friends. If not, could this be someone who struggles to maintain healthy relationships over time? If so, Red Flag!

If they grumble that you seem to be enjoying other activities instead of spending all of your time with them, this is a sign of jealousy. Don’t ignore it. What may feel flattering at the beginning could become suffocating over time and a sign of controlling behavior. 

If you’re going to school, don’t let your attendance or grades slip. Your new partner should be proud of your accomplishments and will respect you when you say you must study for a big exam. They should honor your boundaries and want you to excel. They should admire your commitment to your education and career.

If your new partner seems to keep you out late when you say you need to study, don’t ignore that information. An unhealthy partner may try to sabotage your success by asking you to skip classes, making you late, destroying your school papers or losing your materials. Anyone who loves you would never try to damage your end result because what’s important to you is important to them. Pay attention to that behavior.

Maintain your relationships with your family and friends. They were in your life before you met Romeo or Juliet and will be there after if it doesn’t last. Your friends and family love you, and you love them. They’ll also be the first ones to pick up on character flaws or shadiness in your partner. So, stay connected. They will ground you and keep you from floating off to Never Never Land.

Bio for Maxine Brown:

Maxine Browne is a keynote speaker and workshop facilitator on the topics of domestic violence and rebuilding your life after divorce. Her inspirational stories illustrate how to co-parent with a difficult ex and how to create healthier relationships.

Maxine is one of the 27 amazing co-authors of the International Best Seller, The Missing Piece compiled by Kate Gardner, as well as one of the co-authors for The Missing Piece in Business. She is also the author of Years of Tears, the story of her 10 year marriage to a controlling tyrant that changed her life forever.

Contact Maxine to speak at your next event at maxinebrowne@dv-recovery.com. Visit her website at www.maxinebrowne.com.

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