How To Respond if Your Child Is the Victim of Teen Dating Violence

By Cara Medina, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
 
It’s common for teenagers not to tell their parents that there is physical, sexual, or emotional abuse happening to them. Do you wonder why your teen doesn’t trust you enough to tell you these types of problems? Have you ever thought about how you would respond if your child told you they were being abused by their boyfriend or girlfriend?
 
Adolescents do love and trust their parents, but they may feel ashamed they have been the victim of abuse at the hands of their romantic partner. They also may not realize how serious dating violence can be and the damage it can do to their mental and physical health.
 
Also, teenagers are in a developmental stage of life that can make it difficult for them to disclose abuse. For example, teens often believe they can “handle it” themselves, even though they may need help from their parents. They often overestimate their abilities to manage a complicated situation. Children this age also tend to minimize the potential consequences of risky behaviors. They may not believe that something bad could happen to them.
 
In addition to the shame and developmental factors, they could be worried that their parents might be angry or upset and punish them, even though they’re the victim. Listed below are a few tips that could help parents if they notice any red flags of dating violence.

• Provide support and comfort rather than judgement of your child (the victim). This will help them seek out your support rather than shut you out.
• Make sure to tell your child that the abuse is not his/her fault.
• How you say it may matter more than what you say. Don’t overreact or yell.
• Listen carefully to your child’s responses to your questions and try not to give them advice unless they ask for it.
• The age of your teen plays a role in how you might respond: middle school teens may be more receptive to taking your advice than older teens, who may want to make their own decisions. However, they’ll still need your assistance.
• Don’t do it alone! Find resources through your community’s Family Justice Center or domestic violence shelters and the police department.

​References

• Black, B., & Preble, K. (2016). Parental responses to youths' reports of teen dating violence: Recommendations from parents and youth. Journal of Adolescence, 51144-155. doi:10.1016/j.adolescence.2016.06.008
• Elias-Lambert, N., Black, B. M., & Chigbu, K. U. (2014). Controlling behaviors in middle school youth’s dating relationships: Reactions and help-seeking behaviors. The Journal of Early Adolescence, 34(7), 841-865. doi:10.1177/0272431613510405
• Preble, K. M., Black, B. M., & Weisz, A. N. (2018). Teens' and parents' perceived levels of helpfulness: An examination of suggested 'things to say' to youth experiencing Teen Dating Violence. doi:10.1016/j.childyouth.2018.01.010

 

Cara Medina is a graduate of the Department of Counseling and Educational Development at the University of North Carolina Greensboro. She earned her M.S. and Ed.S degrees in School Counseling. She has counseled middle school, high school and college students. Cara lives in Greensboro with her husband and five children.

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