Counseling and Self-Care

By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder

As a professor in a counseling program, I am a strong believer in the power of counseling to help people heal from past abuse, along with addressing a variety of other mental health, life, and relationship challenges they may face. According to the American Counseling Association, counseling is defined as “a professional relationship that empowers diverse individuals, families, and groups to accomplish mental health, wellness, education, and career goals.” Therefore, counseling offers many potential benefits to survivors of abuse and others whose lives are touched by domestic violence to both help address problems that arise related to the abuse and promote their future health and wellness.

Seeking counseling can be an important part of self-care for survivors of abuse, as well as for professionals who work with them and others in their support networks. Some of the reasons that people affected by domestic violence may seek counseling include the following:

• Mental health symptoms
  
• Relationship challenges
  
• Burnout and vicarious trauma
  
• Career or educational problems
  
• Parenting concerns
  
• Family-of-origin dynamics
  
  

Of course, there are many other reasons why people may seek counseling, and counselors are trained to support clients as they face a wide range of life challenges.

For survivors of abuse, it is especially important to seek out a counselor who is competent to understand and address the dynamics of domestic violence, as I’ve written about in this past blog post: http://www.seethetriumph.org/blog/finding-a-counselor-who-is-competent-to-serve-survivors. From our research with survivors, we heard from some participants about problems they encountered from counselors who lacked this competence. For example, one participant said, “The therapist I was seeing during the abusive relationship didn't identify what was happening as abusive.  He told me I was ‘triggering’ my ex's controlling behavior and sexual assaults, and encouraged me to focus on my own ‘contributions’ to the problem rather than find ways to stay safe.  He also referred the two of us for couple's counseling, which also reinforced the idea that I was partially responsible for my ex's abusive behavior.”

When I hear stories of negative counseling experiences like that one, I’m deeply troubled that some people don’t find the support and help they need when they seek counseling. And, I’m reminded of the importance of clients being very careful in the process of selecting a suitable counselor. If you don’t find a helpful counselor on your first attempt, keep looking! It’s important to find a counselor who you feel comfortable with so that you’ll be able to address the most important issues that you’re facing.

Fortunately, the overwhelming majority of our research participants who mentioned counseling as part of their healing process reported positive experiences. The following quotes from survivors who participated in our research support the value of counseling for survivors as part of their overall self-care practices:

• “I sought counseling numerous times surrounding the effects of the abuse on my self worth.”
  
• “I sought out domestic violence counseling and remained in group therapy for over a year.  I sought out EMDR to help with the PTSD.  I remain in EMDR therapy to this day.”
  
• “Let go of childhood issues, get counseling, do what it takes, it's okay to admit we have issues.   Everyone has issues, what's not okay is allowing someone to control us!”
  
• “Through lots of hard work on self and counseling and lots of fear of being alone…anyone can make it through.”
  
• “Don't go through this alone.  Get help from the domestic violence agency near you.  Get counseling and get on with living your life.”
  
• “The therapist I am seeing now has been very helpful at undoing a lot of the shame and self-blame.”
  
• “I went to therapy and joined an online support board. I connected with other survivors and began to learn that I had nothing to be ashamed of and I did not have responsibility for being abused.”
  
• “I began seeing a counselor. I began taking an SSRI to help with the depression and panic attacks...I am more open about the fact that I'm on medication and seeing a psychologist, even if I don't give specifics.”
  
  

These quotes represent just some of the ways that counseling can be an important part of an overall self-care plan for survivors and others who support them. There is no need for shame in reaching out for help from a trained mental health professional. If you are interested in finding a counselor, there are resources available to help you do so. In addition to asking for recommendations from your local domestic violence agency or from people in your social network, some resources for locating a counselor in your area are as follows:

• Counselor Find (Hosted by the National Board for Certified Counselors)
  
• Therapist Locator (Hosted by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy)
  
• The Therapy Directory (Hosted by Psychology Today)