See the Triumph
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Blog
  • See the Triumph Collections
  • Participate in Our Research
  • Volunteer with See the Triumph
  • The Origins of See the Triumph
  • About our Research
  • Terms of Use
  • Resources for more Information
  • See the Triumph Workbooks
  • See the Triumph Healing Arts Workshops
  • See the Triumph Survivor Advocacy Training Program
  • Contact Us

Enthusiastic Consent: Go for the "Yes!!!"

4/15/2014

 
Picture
By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder

Several years back, anti-sexual assault activists and sexuality educators began using the term enthusiastic consent to signify a shift from “no means no” to “yes means yes” (Gender Focus). Previously, most messaging aiming at preventing rape focused on the importance of saying “no” when someone wants sexual activity to stop, and the importance of the other person respecting that boundary.

Understanding when and why to honor a “no” remains critically important. I believe that this is one of the earliest sexual and intimate partner violence prevention messages we can teach to even very young children. As I’ve written elsewhere, as a parent, I've tried to teach this with my own children with tickling--whey they say, “Stop,” I point out how important it is to stop and respect whatever rules other people have about their own bodies. So, I believe that teaching respect for saying “no” is still a valuable and important message.

But, when I first heard about the principle of enthusiastic consent, I loved how it captures a real spirit of positive sexuality and respect and support for one’s partner when it comes to sexual activity. The principle of enthusiastic consent came to mind while I was going through some of our research data from the subsample of participants who had experienced sexual assault.

For example, one participant who I also cited in my post about revenge porn said, “I am powerless to keep him from doing what he pleases with the videos he took of me having sex without my knowledge or consent.” Although this woman may have been engaging in consensual sex with her partner, clearly his videotaping of those activities was not consensual.

Another participant said, “The truth was, it wasn't what I was wearing, what I said, or how I walked. There was no alcohol involved. I had a manipulative partner who wanted to put me down and wanted sex and he wouldn't take no for an answer.” It sounds as though this participant’s partner used relentless, manipulative coercion to wear down the participant until she felt unable to say no. Is that consent?

And finally, another survivor said, “[I have shame] that I put up with it for so long, for ignoring my intuition, for believing that I didn't deserve better, that it was my fault for not giving him the sex life he desired, for hurting myself sexually for him.” This quote implies that this participant’s partner shamed her into engaging in sexual activities that he wanted but that were painful to her.

Enthusiastic consent becomes very difficult to achieve within the context of an abusive relationship. Last month, we repinned the picture below on our Pinterest page:
Picture
Photo source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/441775044669953859/
When someone is being abused, they often are living in a state of fear of their partner, and abusive partners often control their partner’s every move and decisions. To be able to enthusiastically consent to sexual activity, a person needs to have freedom of choice. A context of power, control, and fear runs counter to that freedom of choice.

The principle of enthusiastic consent deserves wider attention in sexuality education programs and public awareness campaigns aimed at preventing sexual assault and intimate partner violence. Healthy relationships and healthy sexuality are free from coercion, shaming, and force. Moreover, they encompass enthusiastic, freely chosen, respectful consent for physical and emotional intimacy by both partners.

Comments are closed.

    Archives

    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    About Intimate Partner Violence
    About Intimate Partner Violence
    Advocacy
    Ambassadors
    Children
    Churches
    College Campuses
    Cultural Issues
    Domestic Violence Awareness Month
    Financial Recovery
    How To Help A Friend
    Human Rights
    Human-rights
    Immigrants
    International
    Media
    Overcoming Past Abuse
    Overcoming-past-abuse
    Parenting
    Prevention
    Resources For Survivors
    Safe Relationships Following Abuse
    Schools
    Selfcare
    Self-care
    Sexual Assault
    Sexuality
    Social Justice
    Social-justice
    Stigma
    Supporting Survivors
    Survivor Quotes
    Survivor-quotes
    Survivor Stories
    Teen Dating Violence
    Trafficking
    Transformative-approaches

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Blog
  • See the Triumph Collections
  • Participate in Our Research
  • Volunteer with See the Triumph
  • The Origins of See the Triumph
  • About our Research
  • Terms of Use
  • Resources for more Information
  • See the Triumph Workbooks
  • See the Triumph Healing Arts Workshops
  • See the Triumph Survivor Advocacy Training Program
  • Contact Us