See the Triumph
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Blog
  • See the Triumph Collections
  • Participate in Our Research
  • Volunteer with See the Triumph
  • The Origins of See the Triumph
  • About our Research
  • Terms of Use
  • Resources for more Information
  • See the Triumph Workbooks
  • See the Triumph Healing Arts Workshops
  • See the Triumph Survivor Advocacy Training Program
  • Contact Us

From a Survivor: An Open Letter to the Church

8/9/2018

 
Picture
Image source: https://media.swncdn.com/cms/CW/Couples/singles/34343-woman-alone-in-church-1200.jpg
Dear Church,

If I could speak clearly, eloquently and informatively on any topic I would want people to know that those who leave an abusive situation are survivors. Many people are judged, held prisoner to lofty ideals, religious rules and societal suppositions. The reality is that a victim of abuse does not think in those terms, they are too busy trying to survive.  Every day is a carefully calculated, tenuously played game, like a game of chess with survival as the goal.

I used to be one who thought that if people got divorced it was because they gave up, didn’t try hard enough and didn’t trust God enough to work in their marriage.  I now know that is a naïve, one dimensional way to look at a situation as complex as an abusive marriage.  Sure!  God can do anything, work in any situation and cover any heart, no matter how far gone, with His grace, love and forgiveness.  However, my simplistic view did not take into account that marriage is made up of TWO individuals. One person, no matter how committed, cannot keep a marriage together. They can spend their life, health and self-esteem as the currency to pay the deficit, trying to achieve the fantasy of a loving marriage. However, it will not be a marriage, not the way God designed it to be.

What I would like to tell those who are tempted to judge from a distance, offer trite colloquialisms on restoration; who have never been in an abusive marriage or a marriage plagued by addictions is this: You cannot possibly know the horror that a person in this situation has lived in. Words fail to properly articulate the pain, confusion and total emptiness that this type of situation creates within a person.  Judging a person for not “trying hard enough” or “not sticking it out long enough” puts heaping weight on their already heavy laden shoulders.

​An abusive marriage is the twisted form of a holy institute.  Before you judge a person for leaving an abusive marriage, know that they have probably judged themselves far more than you can imagine. Finding the strength to reach out and get help took everything they had. They are weak, vulnerable and weary. Instead of pointing fingers and throwing verbal stones; I submit it’s better to reach out in love, seek to understand and lend a listening ear. We are champions for the institute of marriage and defenders of the weak. We love the unlovely. We call sin, sin. We know that God’s grace in each of our lives is the only reason we are who we are today. Instead of tearing the hurting among us down; let’s build each other up in love and spur each other onto doing good works in Christ Jesus. After all, we are the church, the body of Christ.

From My Heart to Yours,
 
Colleen Carmichael
A Survivor
 

Comments are closed.

    Archives

    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    About Intimate Partner Violence
    About Intimate Partner Violence
    Advocacy
    Ambassadors
    Children
    Churches
    College Campuses
    Cultural Issues
    Domestic Violence Awareness Month
    Financial Recovery
    How To Help A Friend
    Human Rights
    Human-rights
    Immigrants
    International
    Media
    Overcoming Past Abuse
    Overcoming-past-abuse
    Parenting
    Prevention
    Resources For Survivors
    Safe Relationships Following Abuse
    Schools
    Selfcare
    Self-care
    Sexual Assault
    Sexuality
    Social Justice
    Social-justice
    Stigma
    Supporting Survivors
    Survivor Quotes
    Survivor-quotes
    Survivor Stories
    Teen Dating Violence
    Trafficking
    Transformative-approaches

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Blog
  • See the Triumph Collections
  • Participate in Our Research
  • Volunteer with See the Triumph
  • The Origins of See the Triumph
  • About our Research
  • Terms of Use
  • Resources for more Information
  • See the Triumph Workbooks
  • See the Triumph Healing Arts Workshops
  • See the Triumph Survivor Advocacy Training Program
  • Contact Us