Knowing When To Tell Your Story In Therapy

 By Allison Crowe, See the Triumph Co-Founder

When is it the “right” time to start telling your story as a survivor of intimate partner violence? For the month of August, Christine and I wanted to focus on the idea that every survivor has a story worth sharing. Stories are powerful. They heal us when we tell painful ones. They bring us happiness when we re-live the joyful ones. But for some stories, timing is especially important, and knowing when you are ready to begin telling that story is a unique and personal decision for you. This is certainly the case when it comes to sharing your own abuse story.

A few years ago, when I was doing clinical work in a group practice setting, I had a client who was a survivor of years of childhood sexual abuse. She had just been transferred to me after working very successfully with a clinical intern who was moving to another state. “Connie” (name changed for anonymity) was extremely shy, suffering from serious symptoms of PTSD, and had just begun the process of working full time again and beginning a new life as a young woman. Her previous therapist helped her heal slowly but surely, as she worked through her abuse history. When hearing about the amazing transformation that had already taken place in a little over a year, I was intimidated about coming on as her counselor since they had accomplished so much together. I was also very sensitive to the notion that Connie might need some time before she even wanted to entertain the idea of sharing her story with me.

For about a month or so, when Connie and I met for our therapy sessions, we did not delve into the abuse. I knew Connie wasn’t ready yet. Instead we talked about music, her work, her friends in the area, and how she was coping with PTSD symptoms. After some time, with a strong therapeutic relationship in place, I think she felt safe enough with me to tell me the parts of the story she still needed to talk through. She did not have to rehash her entire story to me in every detail, though. Really, I let her share what she wanted to share, and continued to check in about how she was feeling about our work together to make sure she always felt as though she was benefiting from retelling her story.

Now, my time with Connie is just one example of stories, and how they have touched me as a clinician. Based on this experience, I can say the following to you out there who might be thinking about whether it’s time to seek out a counselor or therapist to share your story with.

• First, make sure you find a clinician you feel comfortable with. Ask that person if she/he has worked with trauma survivors before. Remember that you have your choice in who you’d like to work with for counseling, so ask the questions that matter to you in an initial session and gauge your comfort level.
• If it helps, perhaps journal about your experiences in between sessions, or ask if this is something you could incorporate into session. Many of my clients would journal for themselves, and bring their writing, letters, poems, or stories to me so that we could read and process them together.
• Communicate openly with your counselor or therapist if telling your story gets too difficult. Set your own pace – you should never feel pushed or challenged in a way that doesn’t feel comfortable.
• At the same time, I also think it’s important to know that you might not leave every counseling session feeling “warm and fuzzy.” I told many of my clients that there will be some therapy sessions where painful or difficult things are talked about, but I will always make sure you are okay before you leave my office.
• Finally, if you feel triggered in such a way from telling your story that you are unable to cope - reach out to a friend, family member, or emergency resource in your community. It is possible that telling your story could bring on very serious symptoms, so notice signs in yourself and get the support you need if/when you need it.

These are just a few ideas for telling your story. Deciding to begin the process while having a “safety net” of a counselor or therapist can be one of the best ways to begin your healing process. And as a therapist, I know how grateful I feel to have been a part of the healing process for women and men who are overcoming their own abuse histories. It’s humbling to be trusted in this sort of way, and I’m thankful all the time to have shared in so many journeys. Thanks to all of you who choose to share your stories and Connie if you’re out there, a special thanks to you for sharing with me.