See the Triumph
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Blog
  • See the Triumph Collections
  • Participate in Our Research
  • Volunteer with See the Triumph
  • The Origins of See the Triumph
  • About our Research
  • Terms of Use
  • Resources for more Information
  • See the Triumph Workbooks
  • See the Triumph Healing Arts Workshops
  • See the Triumph Survivor Advocacy Training Program
  • Contact Us

Meditation: The First Step to Recovery From Emotional Abuse

10/2/2018

 
Picture
By Claire Cappetta

When we are or have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, our self-esteem, self-worth and confidence are extremely low. Some of us who grew up in an abusive family, never really understand what it is like to have to have self-esteem or confidence because if we find a glimmer of it, it is usually immediately suppressed for fear of retaliation or further abuse. Years of gaslighting can have a profound effect on a victim, not only do we struggle with self-esteem, feeling worthy but when we find ourselves in stressful situations, for example, voices raised in heated discussions, arguments erupting we find ourselves, as I call it, “hiding in plain sight”. We disappear from the situations in our minds, we become blank, in our minds, we detract ourselves and try to hide into something, anything. We choose a flower on the wallpaper and imagine we are hiding behind it, or our mind will simply crash, rather like a computer. It's our way of escaping the situations.

It is a known fact, that when a victim has been emotionally abused for years, they will hide like this but it has even sadder repercussions if we are faced with an accident or something traumatic. Think about how you might witness a car accident while going to the store, who runs in first to help the victim in the car after the crash and who stands and watches. How many times do we read or hear people say “I don't understand, why didn't they rush in to help?” Or imagine you are standing by the road and a car loses control, careering towards you, you stand frozen. Why? Because we have recognized danger and escaped into our minds, just like we did through the abuse. It's normal to react this way when we have been abused, it's our emotional self-preservation.

It can feel distressing after we have left the abuse behind, to move on and yet still find ourselves emotionally detaching and using distractions of something like the image of the flower on the wallpaper to escape. Our minds go blank, we are not present at the moment, we “zone out.” Although we do it out of self-preservation, we are missing out on so much, being fully involved. They say that when an accident occurs, people run for cover, however, those of us who have been abused will stand, frozen and will likely be in the way of the accident, instead of running to save ourselves. This in itself is tragic.

So how can we repair the years of emotional damage which was steeped upon us? We know that by hiding is a brains natural way of coping, which was taught over time, so we need to re-train our mind to react differently. We need to take our mind back to school and re-wire it, so to speak. Over time our neural pathways in our minds have to come to understand fight or flight is to simply escape inward. We can adjust this pattern though over time, re-train our minds, fix our neural pathways. Think of it this way, normally, in a  brain we have little guys walking down little, tiny paths carrying messages around helping us respond to daily life. In a fight or flight situation, they start running to carry the messages to aid survival, but in a person who has been emotionally abused, they can simply just stand still, they don't walk or run, they just freeze. We need to help train these little guys to keep on walking and not to freeze.

How do we re-train our neural pathways? Brain surgery? No, of course of not. We start meditation! It has been proven scientifically that meditation and mindfulness, staying present in the moment actually re-trains and heals our neural pathways. How amazing is that?

We hear in recovery how people can't afford treatment and it's true, sadly many treatments are expensive but meditation is free. Of course, there are apps out there that you can pay a subscription for but there are so many now that are free on websites for listening or downloading. There are masses of free guided meditations on YouTube alone!

People often say to me that they don't have time to meditate, my answer is simple, do you have time to take a shower? The answer of course is yes, so then in that case you have time to take 2 minutes in the shower to just stand, close your eyes and take a note of your breathing, simply inhale deeply and exhale slowly for those two minutes, clear your mind, focus simply on your breath, count them if you need to and hey presto! You are meditating!

Many people think meditating has to be for hours, for gurus and yogis, for sitting cross-legged in a yoga pose, not the case at all! Actually, in Hindi, there is Yogini, which is a girls name, it means “One who controls the senses.”

Within a month of meditating, you will find you can cope with stressful situations, without panicking or closing down. You will be able to stay present, focused, your neural pathways will be healing and your little guys in your brain carrying messages will now understand that they need to keep walking. You will start to notice the present moment, becoming not only wonderful at healing your mind, but you will also become what they term these days, “mindful”. You start to notice your surroundings more, of birds and butterflies, of people smiling and laughing. It's rather like someone has turned on a light in your mind, seeing things in everyday life, that we missed out on so much while we struggled mentally and emotionally.

As you start to meditate more frequently, we can start to heal within, we find answers to the questions which dogged us. We start to feel and understand ourselves, grow compassion and inner love. I've found when times become stressful, I can simply find a moment to simply breathe, unwind, take a mini mindful vacation. It feels decadent, priceless and selfishly, all mine. Life becomes illuminated and it is a wonderful first step to recovery and healing from emotional abuse.

Comments are closed.

    Archives

    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    About Intimate Partner Violence
    About Intimate Partner Violence
    Advocacy
    Ambassadors
    Children
    Churches
    College Campuses
    Cultural Issues
    Domestic Violence Awareness Month
    Financial Recovery
    How To Help A Friend
    Human Rights
    Human-rights
    Immigrants
    International
    Media
    Overcoming Past Abuse
    Overcoming-past-abuse
    Parenting
    Prevention
    Resources For Survivors
    Safe Relationships Following Abuse
    Schools
    Selfcare
    Self-care
    Sexual Assault
    Sexuality
    Social Justice
    Social-justice
    Stigma
    Supporting Survivors
    Survivor Quotes
    Survivor-quotes
    Survivor Stories
    Teen Dating Violence
    Trafficking
    Transformative-approaches

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Blog
  • See the Triumph Collections
  • Participate in Our Research
  • Volunteer with See the Triumph
  • The Origins of See the Triumph
  • About our Research
  • Terms of Use
  • Resources for more Information
  • See the Triumph Workbooks
  • See the Triumph Healing Arts Workshops
  • See the Triumph Survivor Advocacy Training Program
  • Contact Us