By Eileen Martin, See the Triumph Contributor
Just Who Do You Think You Are?
It’s the little voice in your head, or sometimes the voice from others, that can stop you in your tracks while healing from domestic violence. The voice asks “Just who do you think you are?”
Just who do you think you are to have feelings, wants, and needs?
Just who do you think you are to walk away from a relationship, a marriage?
Just who do you think you are to break up a family?
Just who do you think you are to believe you can make it on your own?
Just who do you really think you are?
Honestly, there is some sense of control in holding onto these thoughts because they are familiar. You have been accustomed to having doubt and shame fuel your thoughts and, let’s face it, you have been told you are unworthy of love, that you are crazy, or that you are worthless. So now you are supposed to suddenly believe in yourself and consider the alternative? Sometimes the fear of the unknown prevents us all from considering that we may have been told a lie and our thoughts are just. not. accurate.
So, who DO you think you are?
What are you telling yourself?
What are others around you saying?
What seeds of doubt have been planted in your mind from your abuser? Your family? Society?
Have you ever given yourself permission to question your thoughts? We all have some negative thought patterns that feel really heavy and burdensome. But life feels so much lighter and things often look brighter when we can really recognize and challenge the negative thoughts and replace them with a kinder gentler version.
Have you ever questioned what you have been told to believe? About yourself or how life ought to be?
Well, now you get to choose your own version, your own reality, your own thoughts and that can be pretty powerful indeed!
Planting power seeds: Recognize and challenge negative thinking patterns
When I recognize my own negative thoughts, I ask myself a powerful question:
Would you say to a friend, sister, or daughter or anyone you care about what you say to yourself? More than likely the answer is no. We all deserve the same amount of care and concern we afford to others we love. So lets start there.
Be mindful when you find you are saying anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to someone you love and care about. You are deserving of loving and caring thoughts and words, and most importantly, self-forgiveness when you mess up. We all inevitably mess up. We all are human. Remember, YOU are someone’s friend, sister, or daughter.
Firmly Planting: Recognize and challenge what others say to you
So, get curious. Pay attention to your reactions when talking with others. Recognize what feels right and what makes your stomach lurch a little bit. Why is your body responding? Become aware of your body and how it responds to others. Your gut instinct is a powerful tool in discerning between what is meant to harm and what is meant to heal.
Now it is time to firmly plant yourself in solid ground by self-nurturing, by being gentle with yourself if you make a mistake, by recognizing your amazing ability to put one foot in front of the other when life comes at you hard. At the end of the day, you are strength and you deserve to bloom.