See the Triumph
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Blog
  • See the Triumph Collections
  • Participate in Our Research
  • Volunteer with See the Triumph
  • The Origins of See the Triumph
  • About our Research
  • Terms of Use
  • Resources for more Information
  • See the Triumph Workbooks
  • See the Triumph Healing Arts Workshops
  • See the Triumph Survivor Advocacy Training Program
  • Contact Us

Positive Sexuality in the Aftermath of Abuse

4/29/2014

 
Picture
By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder

The World Health Organization defines sexual health in the following way:

“…a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.” (WHO, 2006a)

I like this definition because it goes beyond viewing sexual health as simply a lack of problems, but it encompasses pleasure, satisfaction, respect, and safety. We heard from participants in our research, especially those who had experienced sexual abuse within their past abusive relationships, that a positive sense of sexuality and sexual health can be challenging to achieve in the aftermath of an abusive relationship.

For example, consider the following quotes from our participants, which illustrate some of the challenges that survivors may face:
  • “Even if I did somehow manage to recover emotionally, the rape resulted in physical injury, ripping, and scarring that makes penetration physically impossible.  No man wants a woman he can't have sex with, and who freaks out at the very idea of it.”
  • “I am powerless to think of sex without literally wanting to vomit.”
  • “Even if I were allowed to talk about this with anyone, they would see me as damaged.  Even if I did want to date (that is, assuming any man would be willing to be with a woman who can't physically function sexually), I'd been seen as ‘damaged goods’ or ‘has too much baggage.’”

As these quotes show, sexual abuse within an intimate relationship can lead to physical injuries that impair sexual functioning. Sexual activity also may become a trigger for traumatic memories to come flooding back. And, sexual abuse and other forms of abuse can impact a survivor’s sense of sexual self-esteem.

However, it’s important to also highlight that positive sexuality is possible, even in the aftermath of horrific abuse. For example, one research participant who’d been sexually abused by a former partner said, “I've started to think about myself as a stronger person. It took a long time for my self esteem to come back. I had a few years where I thought I was disgusting, and couldn't enjoy a sexual relationship.” This participant’s experience demonstrates that even after facing some initial negative sexual consequences from past abuse, it is possible to achieve a greater sense of self-esteem and enjoy a safe and healthy sexual relationship.

Every person’s situation is very unique, so there are no simple rules to say how every person could recover from past abuse and achieve a positive sense of sexuality in their lives. What works for one person may be different than what works for someone else. However, the World Health Organization’s definition of sexual health supports the following four suggestions for survivors seeking to establish positive sexual health as part of recovering from a past abusive relationship:

First, seek help for sexual health problems and dysfunctions. Survivors may have contracted sexually transmitted infections from their abusive partners (e.g., through their partner’s infidelity). Or, as in the first quote listed above, survivors may have injuries that make sexual activity painful or impossible. There are trained professionals who can assist survivors in understanding treatment options, include medical professionals (e.g., a gynecologist or family physician) and sex therapists (see the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists web-site for a directory).

Second, seek a respectful sexual partner who is sensitive, patient, and supportive. The World Health Organization’s definition emphasizes that sexual health “requires a positive and respectful approach,” and these are important qualities to seek in a sexual partner. Of course, it can take time to really get to know someone and know if they really meet these requirements. Survivors can therefore seek partners who are patient and understanding of their need for this time. Pressure to engage in sexual activity before you’re ready is a sign that person is not ready for a respectful, safe sexual relationship.

Third, be alert for signs of coercion and abuse. The World Health Organization’s definition makes clear that freedom and individual choice are necessary for sexual health. If you come to feel that a partner does not respect your freedom to choose, or is trying to coerce you into anything you are not comfortable you are doing, know that you have the right to end that relationship. Seek partners who have good communication, ask you about your sexual preferences, openly discuss sexual questions and concerns, and listen respectfully to you when you are sharing your beliefs, values, and attitudes related to sexuality.

Fourth, seek both pleasure and safety in sexual relationships. As we’ve discussed throughout this month, sexual abuse can occur within abusive relationships. These can certainly contribute to negative sexual experiences. Sexual pleasure can be absent or feel like an unattainable goal when past sexual experiences were characterized by pain, fear, disrespect, and humiliation. Again, seek professional help if you feel you’d benefit from formal support to address your sexual concerns. Note the World Health Organization’s emphasis on the sexual rights of everyone--including you. You have the right to safe, positive, pleasurable sexual experiences. Remind yourself of this right on your journey to recovery.

We are constantly inspired by the stories of triumph over past abuse that we hear through the See the Triumph campaign, including our research participants and members of our community who share their stories with us. We know that sexuality can be a complicated aspect of this recovery process, but we also believe that all survivors deserve healthy sexuality and healthy relationships. We hope the resources we’ve shared throughout this month have been informative and helpful resources to support survivors toward achieving that goal.

Comments are closed.

    Archives

    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    About Intimate Partner Violence
    About Intimate Partner Violence
    Advocacy
    Ambassadors
    Children
    Churches
    College Campuses
    Cultural Issues
    Domestic Violence Awareness Month
    Financial Recovery
    How To Help A Friend
    Human Rights
    Human-rights
    Immigrants
    International
    Media
    Overcoming Past Abuse
    Overcoming-past-abuse
    Parenting
    Prevention
    Resources For Survivors
    Safe Relationships Following Abuse
    Schools
    Selfcare
    Self-care
    Sexual Assault
    Sexuality
    Social Justice
    Social-justice
    Stigma
    Supporting Survivors
    Survivor Quotes
    Survivor-quotes
    Survivor Stories
    Teen Dating Violence
    Trafficking
    Transformative-approaches

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Blog
  • See the Triumph Collections
  • Participate in Our Research
  • Volunteer with See the Triumph
  • The Origins of See the Triumph
  • About our Research
  • Terms of Use
  • Resources for more Information
  • See the Triumph Workbooks
  • See the Triumph Healing Arts Workshops
  • See the Triumph Survivor Advocacy Training Program
  • Contact Us