by Maxine Browne, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
So, you want to tell your story? There are a few things to consider before you do it.
Motivation: Why do you want to tell the story?
Do you want to expose “them” for what “they” did to you? Do you want to expose the lies “they” have been spreading about you? Do you want everyone to know who “they” really are? What is driving your passion to get the story out there?
Someone once told me that they didn’t care how the story would impact their abuser. They wanted to nuke the enemy and take no prisoners.
Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Revenge does not emanate from the space of love. So, if love for mankind and helping others is not what is driving you, perhaps journaling would be better than public speaking or writing a book for now. Pour your venom into your journal. Vomit your pain onto its pages without hurting others in the process. Allow more time to pass. You can move beyond journaling when you have healed. Then, when you tell your story, you will tell it differently and its impact will be greater.
Collateral Damage: Who will be affected by your story?
If you tell all of the gory details, how will your children feel about that? Does your perpetrator have family? How will telling your story affect your career?
Before I wrote my book, Years of Tears, I talked to my children, as well as other family and close friends. I asked them how they felt about me writing a book. They said it was okay if that was what I wanted to do. However, it made a difference that I asked them before I wrote the book. I changed everyone’s name to protect all parties involved. I did not want my decision to create problems for anyone else. I made every effort to protect my perpetrator as well.
Support: Who do you want in your circle?
What are others saying when you talk about telling your story? Some people say, “Just get over it!” If you are hearing words like that from friends, they clearly have not yet experienced a life altering event. Cut them some slack, but talk to someone else about your desire to tell your story.
I was told, “Why do you want to drag up all of that old stuff?” This is someone who does not understand my motivation of helping others. Perhaps bringing up those bad memories reminds them of times they would rather forget. That’s fine. I no longer discuss my projects with this person either. It obviously upsets them for reasons of their own that have nothing to do with me.
We need you, when you are ready!
When one person tells their story, he or she helps others suffering in silence. We may never know how many people read our stories of survival and recovery. All I know for sure is that every story matters. Your story matters. When you are ready, we would love to hear it.
Maxine Browne uses her inspirational story as a keynote. She facilitates workshops entitled Domestic Violence: Should I Stay or Should I Go? and Dating After Divorce: Am I Ready? Discover what is available through her coaching program, Co-Parenting with Your Crazy Ex, http://maxinebrowne.com/coaching/.
Maxine co-authored the International Best Sellers, The Missing Piece and The Missing Piece in Business both compiled by Kate Gardner. She is the author of Years of Tears, the story of her family’s journey through domestic violence and recovery.
Contact Maxine to speak at your next event at firstname.lastname@example.org. Visit her website at www.maxinebrowne.com.
Her books are available on Amazon. Years of Tears is available in paperback and there is a Kindle version.