See the Triumph
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Blog
  • See the Triumph Collections
  • Participate in Our Research
  • Volunteer with See the Triumph
  • The Origins of See the Triumph
  • About our Research
  • Terms of Use
  • Resources for more Information
  • See the Triumph Workbooks
  • See the Triumph Healing Arts Workshops
  • See the Triumph Survivor Advocacy Training Program
  • Contact Us

Ten Tips for When a Loved One Tells You They are a Survivor of Abuse

8/20/2018

 
Picture
By Katie Lloyd, See the Triumph Guest Blogger
 
1. Don’t blame them for the abuse
Many survivors of abuse worry that they will be blamed for the what their abuser did to them. They may have experienced this before, as many abusers blame their victims for “making them” abuse them. Absolutely avoid comments that imply that the survivor was to blame. Some of these comments include: “What did you do to make him/her so angry?” “You’re both responsible for your problems” “What did you expect? You chose to stay with him/her, marry him/her, etc.” Abuse is always the fault of the abuser, not the victim.
 
2. Be kind and empathetic - choose your words carefully
You have a unique and powerful opportunity when a survivor shares their story with you. You can respond in a way that supports them and helps them to heal from the abuse. Share what feels natural to you, whether that is letting them know they didn’t deserve the abuse, telling them how much they mean to you, or acknowledging how painful this must have been.
 
3. Don’t push for details
How much detail to share about the nature or specifics of the abuse is up to the survivor. It can feel invasive to be asked about details, and it’s best to let the person you’re talking to share the information that they feel comfortable sharing.
 
4. Check in about safety
It’s always a good idea to check with the survivor you’re speaking with to see if they have any concerns about their safety. The abuse may have ended years ago, but for some survivors the safety risks persist. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help them feel more safe.
 
5. Reach out
Some survivors worry that sharing their story will cause others to treat them differently. In addition to asking what you can do to support them, you might consider reaching out and inviting them to do an activity or just giving them a call to chat. Let them know that you don’t judge them for the abuse.
 
6. Take care of yourself
It can be extremely emotionally difficult to hear stories of abuse, and to hear that this has happened to someone you know can be devastating. You may feel a variety of emotions such as anger, sadness, guilt, and helplessness. All of those emotional reactions are normal and okay. It may help to acknowledge these emotions and take time to do something kind for yourself.
 
7. Just listen
One of the most simple but powerful things you can do for someone sharing something painful with you is to just listen to them. This can be easier said than done, especially when you are trying to manage your own reactions to what they’re saying. To the best of your ability, let them speak and really hear what they are telling you.
 
8. Respect their privacy 
Someone who has chosen to share their story with you has placed a great amount of trust in you. Always check with them before talking about their story with someone else. Even people who you think know about the abuse may not. Ultimately, the survivor is the one who gets to decide who hears their story.
 
9. Try to stay calm
You may feel very angry when you hear about the abuse, but keep your temper under control and avoid acting violently or aggressively. For many survivors of abuse, anger is scary and can be a reminder of the abuse even when it is not directed at them. If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed you could ask to take a break from the conversation to calm down.
 
10. Empower
Abuse can be an incredibly disempowering experience. You have the opportunity to remind the person you’re speaking to how strong they are to have survived this experience and to speak out about it now. 


​
Katie Lloyd recently graduated with a Master of Science in Counseling and Educational Development from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro with a specialization in Couple and Family Counseling. In her spare time Katie enjoys playing with her dog and traveling. 

Comments are closed.

    Archives

    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    About Intimate Partner Violence
    About Intimate Partner Violence
    Advocacy
    Ambassadors
    Children
    Churches
    College Campuses
    Cultural Issues
    Domestic Violence Awareness Month
    Financial Recovery
    How To Help A Friend
    Human Rights
    Human-rights
    Immigrants
    International
    Media
    Overcoming Past Abuse
    Overcoming-past-abuse
    Parenting
    Prevention
    Resources For Survivors
    Safe Relationships Following Abuse
    Schools
    Selfcare
    Self-care
    Sexual Assault
    Sexuality
    Social Justice
    Social-justice
    Stigma
    Supporting Survivors
    Survivor Quotes
    Survivor-quotes
    Survivor Stories
    Teen Dating Violence
    Trafficking
    Transformative-approaches

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Blog
  • See the Triumph Collections
  • Participate in Our Research
  • Volunteer with See the Triumph
  • The Origins of See the Triumph
  • About our Research
  • Terms of Use
  • Resources for more Information
  • See the Triumph Workbooks
  • See the Triumph Healing Arts Workshops
  • See the Triumph Survivor Advocacy Training Program
  • Contact Us