The Power of Telling One's Story: Part Two--Finding Your Own Way to Tell Your Story

By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder

We learned a lot from the participants in our research about the many ways that people can share their stories. We want to emphasize that there is no one “right way” to do this. Your story is your own, and you should only tell it in ways that are comfortable, safe, and meaningful for you. For some people, this means speaking publicly about past experiences with abuse. However, there are many reasons why a person may not want to do this, and those reasons are valid--especially when safety risks are involved. There are many other ways that people can tell their own stories that may or may not involve sharing with anyone else. Following are a few examples of the various ways that participants shared with us that they told their stories.

One of the most personal ways to tell one’s story is through writing it down, such as through keeping a journal. One participant said, “I mentioned before that I am a writer. Writing about the experiences has helped me process them...Processing the abuse in my own time has allowed me to understand that it was not my fault and allowed me to personally overcome the stigma of abuse in my own mind.”

Other people may find it empowering and helpful to tell their stories to people who are close in their lives, or in a confidential setting like counseling. For example, consider the following quotes:

• “I was in counseling once a week for a year with a counselor who works with women that have experienced IPV. I have begun to talk about it more openly slowly with trusted family and friends. I make choices to be honest to myself and my relationships and work through the times they conflict.”
  
• “I told my close friends. I talk about it frequently to my current boyfriend, who is very supportive and listens to me when I have a flashback or an anniversary.”
  
• “I only told those I knew I could trust, which is a few and select.  I am not out to get ‘special attention’ or to have people feel sorry for me--that has never been me.  The changes in mine and my children lives has been so dramatically different.  I am watching my sons flourish by being nurtured in a safe, secure, and happy home makes our past 'almost' forgetful.  We keep an open line of communication with them and I encourage them to always talk to me when the nightmares or flashbacks happen.”
  

These quotes illustrate how important it is to share with others who will be supportive and nonjudgmental.

For some, speaking publicly is an empowering way to have their story help educate others. Here are some great examples of this from participants in our research:

• “I have become an active voice in the domestic violence awareness/prevention movement in my community. I am part of our local DV service provider's Survivor Speakers Bureau, I participate as a presenter in trainings and informational workshops.”
  
• “After two of my presentations, two women hugged and thanked me profusely for the talk calling me a ‘blessing’ and sharing that they too had been ashamed and felt more "free' just hearing my testimony of overcoming. I now mention, as the situation allows, that I'm a DV survivor. I never did that until after sharing my story publicly.”
  
• “I found my voice again. I started to write about what happened to me. I started speaking out and becoming active on social media about domestic violence. I will never not have a voice again. Other people's discomfort with my voice is their issue, not mine.”
  
• “One of the biggest helps to me has been talking with other women who have been abused, sexually assaulted, and/or in abusive relationships.  Hearing others' experiences helps me gain a more objective perspective on my own experience, and it also helps me be more vocal and speak up for myself, because it is easier for me to feel angry about sexual assault and relationship abuse when I hear about it happening to other people.”
  

Of course, regardless of how or when survivors tell their story, it’s important for them to be the one to make these choices. Some of the participants in our research emphasized the importance of sharing when the moment is right:

• “Talking about it helps. Doing thing like this helps.  It makes me feel like I am helping others.  I don't go around and share my experiences much.  I don't carry a sign that says ‘I was raped and abused for 9 years of my life’, but if someone shares that they are in a similar situation, I'll tell them.  I feel it is my duty as a woman.”
  
• “I still tell my story. I don't tell it without  prompting but I tell it. People look at me in shock sometimes because of where I am and who I've become today but I want them to know that it happens in the least likely of places and homes.  I will never stand for someone even raising their voice to me or making me uncomfortable in my own home.  It takes courage but it's so liberating.”
  
  

We hope that our focus this month on the importance of stories has been meaningful to you, and possibly helped you consider ways to tell your own story and/or support another person in telling their story. As always, we remain grateful to those who have shared their stories with us. They inspire us, educate us, and motivate us to continue to work toward ending the stigma surrounding intimate partner violence through See the Triumph!