The Stigma of Intimate Partner Violence in Churches: Part Two - Isolation

By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder

Many people view their faith communities as a major source of social support and connection in their lives. For many, a faith community can even come to feel like a second family, which shows just how deeply valued these connections can be for people of faith.

On the positive side, the strength of these social connections offers a potentially valuable source of support for survivors, including those currently experiencing abusive relationships. This support can be practical (e.g., providing transportation or housing), emotional (e.g., providing validation when telling one’s story), moral (e.g., coming to court hearings to support a survivor), and spiritual (e.g., prayer and spiritual encouragement).

Unfortunately, however, some of the survivors in our research faced isolation, separation, and loss of status within their church communities after others found out about the abuse they experienced. Consider, for example, the following quotes:

• “I was shunned by a few churches who were not willing to have a single/divorced woman staining their perfect aisles.”
  
• “This collection of folks find ways to avoid eye contact when our paths have crossed again.”
  
• “It was only when I would share my stories of abuse and saw the "no talk" rules in place and the minimization taking place consistently in the communities of faith I was in did I realize that I had to leave that as well to grow and make progress.
  
• “My church...turned their heads to what was going on. Made me rethink if it was really an issue until the day that my then two year old child grabbed me by the throat. He was setting an example for her and it was NOT how I wanted her to be raised.”
  
  

The above quotes show some of the ways that survivors felt isolated within their churches in relation to their abuse. For example, it may have made them feel like they were somehow unworthy of being a part of that faith community any longer or that others looked down on them. They may have come to feel that they had to leave the faith community in order to continue to make progress on their journey to recovery. Or, the church may simply try to ignore or deny that the abuse is happening.

It’s important to note that faith communities often have sub-groups and different social networks within the larger congregation. Therefore, it is possible that survivors of intimate partner violence may find that some segments of their communities are more or less isolating than others. It certainly is possible that the survivors quoted above encountered smaller segments of a population that did not represent the beliefs of the larger group or the leadership of the faith communities.

However, social isolation is an important issue for leaders and members of congregations who want to ensure that their faith communities are welcoming and supportive to survivors of abuse. It is important to consider how every level of faith communities can offer a consistently supportive environment to members and others who seek help for abuse.

Faith communities offer a potentially valuable source of social support and connection for survivors of intimate partner violence. However, survivors may feel isolated and unwelcome if they encounter stigmatizing reactions within their faith communities. Therefore, it is important for churches to be proactive in fostering environments that encourage survivors to reach out for connection and support.