Trusting Yourself on the Journey

By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder

Have you ever heard the poem, The Journey, by Mary Oliver? The poem’s conclusion is as follows:

And there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Oliver’s poem is moving, and it captures so much of what we heard about the journey of recovering from past abuse from the participants in our studies. This journey can be long, unpredictable, and arduous. And yet, it also can be awe-inspiring, motivational, and nurturing to one’s own soul.

One of the major points we heard time and again from survivors was just how important it is to trust yourself and your intuition as you move forward (and sometimes backwards) along the journey.

This may be difficult to do, especially in light of the trauma and isolation that so often accompany abuse. For example, one of our study participants said, “At one point you have so many lies you begin to realize you may have isolated yourself. In my case, I always thought that if he was doing it to me, he wouldn't do it to someone else. I think the secrecy is the hardest for me to still cope with because I lost trust in my intuition and ability to trust myself.”

And yet, the participants in our studies also emphasized how important it is to trust in yourself and in your own process, as you’ll see in the following survivors’ quotes

• “Remember that you know your situation better than anyone, you are the expert in your own life. Don't let anyone tell you differently.”
  
• “When the time is right, you will know that the time is right to leave. Think if you want to prepare over time to get your ‘ducks in line.’ You can do that by saving money secretly, if possible, and lining up resources to transition to a new life. If your life is in immediate danger, you can leave, if you wish, even if you must leave without taking anything.”
  

• “Try to not allow anyone to tell you what to do. They can propose options.  You are the best person to know what is best for you. You have the right to make your own decisions and the right to change those decisions as you go along. You will do the best you can at the time.”
  
  

Trusting yourself following years of being told by an abuser not to trust yourself is no easy task. Therefore, I encourage you to find others who will support you in discovering and following your intuition along the journey, including friends, family members, and professionals (e.g., counselors and victim advocates).

And, I hope you’ll continue to find inspiration for your journey in the many survivor quotes we are featuring this month on See the Triumph.