8/20/2014 Day 20: A Story of Finding Peace“I am loving myself more and respecting myself, which in turn helps me to rise above. And not to care about what people think, because in the ends, it doesn't matter. I know what happened and so does he. And I believe in divine justice.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
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8/19/2014 Day 19: A Story of Finding Peace “I never thought it would happen to me. I am a strong woman from a background of a happy family. My father worships the ground my mother walks on. It was the strangest thing. He yelled at me the day we got married. He hit me a month after we got married. I thought if I just did ‘everything better’ he would stop. It took so much courage to leave and I felt as if everyone was judging me. It was the scariest…years of my life, but God was looking out for me as he is for you. I know you are afraid and everyone is telling you ‘I wouldn't put up with that.’ Well, they haven't been where you are. But I have. I know you are hurting. I know you are afraid. Just for one night, gather your courage, gather your children and run. Again, God did not put you on Earth to be miserable. Abuse comes in all economic, ethnic and religious circles. Leave what you have been taught and run. God will look out for you. I pray that you will know and feel soon what I know.......peace, safety, love and most of all God's blessing. Joy cometh in the morning.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/18/2014 Day 18: A Story of Finding Peace “I never thought I would feel again…feel love without fear. I have the most amazing husband and life now. My children are safe and striving. I live everyday cautiously. Me and my children have fled. He has no idea where we are. There are days I still wake up afraid. Nights that I still have nightmares. Moments that I still see him standing behind me...or looking at me from the backseat of my car. There are days I don't want to leave my house. But it has been worth it…compared to the life I was living as a victim of abuse. I am thankful every day that I found the strength to live again. Thankful to be a survivor.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/17/2014 Day 17: A Story of Finding Peace This week, we’re sharing stories that provide examples of the ways that participants in our research sought and found peace and acceptance following their experiences with abuse.
“Know that there are decent and good people out there who will love you the right way. I now have a wonderful husband that stands beside me, encouraged me every step of the way through…school, and treats me with the utmost respect. I am happier than I have ever been in my life. I have a wonderful career...I am actively involved in my church and have a supportive church family. My relationships with my family and children have been restored and we are closer than ever. There is hope and help out there. Victims need to reach out to grab it.” ~ Domestic violence survivor 8/16/2014 Day 16: A Story of Courage “It ended when he threatened to kill me. He was searching our apartment for (weapons) he had brought home the day before. When I found them, I hid them and I hid all the knives. He said if he didn't find them he'd kill me with a (kitchen utensil) and held it to my throat. This was after he had already started hitting me and throwing me around the living area. He left to our bedroom and I grabbed for the phone to call the police (this was the first time I'd ever been brave enough to do so.) He caught me and pulled the phone from the wall. Police arrived shortly after and he went to jail.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/15/2014 Day 15: A Story of Courage “I ran away after he strangled me (for the last time) and broke my foot as I was trying to escape. My two sons…lived in a local domestic abuse shelter for months, advocates allowed my stay to be longer due to my broken foot and court proceeding.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/14/2014 Telling Your Survivor Storyby Maxine Browne, See the Triumph Guest Blogger So, you want to tell your story? There are a few things to consider before you do it. Motivation: Why do you want to tell the story? Do you want to expose “them” for what “they” did to you? Do you want to expose the lies “they” have been spreading about you? Do you want everyone to know who “they” really are? What is driving your passion to get the story out there? Someone once told me that they didn’t care how the story would impact their abuser. They wanted to nuke the enemy and take no prisoners. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Revenge does not emanate from the space of love. So, if love for mankind and helping others is not what is driving you, perhaps journaling would be better than public speaking or writing a book for now. Pour your venom into your journal. Vomit your pain onto its pages without hurting others in the process. Allow more time to pass. You can move beyond journaling when you have healed. Then, when you tell your story, you will tell it differently and its impact will be greater. Collateral Damage: Who will be affected by your story? If you tell all of the gory details, how will your children feel about that? Does your perpetrator have family? How will telling your story affect your career? Before I wrote my book, Years of Tears, I talked to my children, as well as other family and close friends. I asked them how they felt about me writing a book. They said it was okay if that was what I wanted to do. However, it made a difference that I asked them before I wrote the book. I changed everyone’s name to protect all parties involved. I did not want my decision to create problems for anyone else. I made every effort to protect my perpetrator as well. Support: Who do you want in your circle? What are others saying when you talk about telling your story? Some people say, “Just get over it!” If you are hearing words like that from friends, they clearly have not yet experienced a life altering event. Cut them some slack, but talk to someone else about your desire to tell your story. I was told, “Why do you want to drag up all of that old stuff?” This is someone who does not understand my motivation of helping others. Perhaps bringing up those bad memories reminds them of times they would rather forget. That’s fine. I no longer discuss my projects with this person either. It obviously upsets them for reasons of their own that have nothing to do with me. We need you, when you are ready! When one person tells their story, he or she helps others suffering in silence. We may never know how many people read our stories of survival and recovery. All I know for sure is that every story matters. Your story matters. When you are ready, we would love to hear it. Maxine Browne uses her inspirational story as a keynote. She facilitates workshops entitled Domestic Violence: Should I Stay or Should I Go? and Dating After Divorce: Am I Ready? Discover what is available through her coaching program, Co-Parenting with Your Crazy Ex, http://maxinebrowne.com/coaching/. Maxine co-authored the International Best Sellers, The Missing Piece and The Missing Piece in Business both compiled by Kate Gardner. She is the author of Years of Tears, the story of her family’s journey through domestic violence and recovery. Contact Maxine to speak at your next event at maxinebrowne@dv-recovery.com. Visit her website at www.maxinebrowne.com. Her books are available on Amazon. Years of Tears is available in paperback and there is a Kindle version. |
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