8/14/2014 Day 14: A Story of Courage “He was banned from the premises of my university so I knew that as soon as fall classes started up it would be my chance to get out of the relationship. I had a near death experience with him over the summer which finally gave me the courage to leave. I broke things off with him, which he did not take too lightly and he began to harass me. This led me to seek out a protective order and I was awarded one.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/13/2014 Day 13: A Story of Courage “I was in the relationship for a long time. I married him when I was a teenager, we had a child. It started with verbal and emotional abuse, then some physical abuse, and then a year later he raped me. We separated shortly, and I returned for several ‘wrong’ reasons. The verbal and emotional abuse continued, the physical abuse mostly stopped, there were a few more incidences of sexual abuse for the next 15+ years. Then, when I was in my 30s,...Well, my whole life changed, the way I thought about myself changed, and I suddenly had the courage to do the hard stuff. I have no regrets.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/12/2014 Speaking Your Truth--In WritingBy Erin Kelley, See the Triumph Guest Blogger “Speaking out” has a different flavor when it comes to the stories of survivors of domestic violence. It takes on an urgency and potential for danger. Yet, we commonly think of speaking out as talking with someone or telling a story. But what about the written process of communicating our stories? You might think: I’m not a writer, I don’t have anything to say, nobody would want to read this. All of these are common thoughts when it comes to writing. But storytelling doesn’t need to be a formal process. In fact, it’s often better if it’s not. It can be a completely private happening, or you can choose to share what you write. You own your words, and only you can decide if you want to share them or not. The format of your writing might influence how you decide. A journal is my number one way to record my thoughts and feelings. And it goes beyond mere recording. The ritual of opening my journal, selecting my favorite pen, and writing about my life is sacred to me, and it opens a channel to something greater than words. What comes out ranges from mundane reports on what I had for dinner to tearful diatribes about pain and trauma. I let it be what it needs to be. I’m not always profound, and my journal reflects that. But when I need to vent, it’s a reliable outlet that is completely mine. Your story might be one you want to share. In that case, maybe you already have an idea of what you have to say. You can get ideas about how to express your story from listening to how you speak, if poetry speaks to you, or maybe you could write a song. Ideas can come from anywhere and can turn into any form. Maybe you want to share what you write on Facebook, in an email to a friend, or in a post to a web forum for survivors. Maybe you want to write a book about your experiences that you publish for a wider audience. The important thing is to stay open to the possibilities. More often than not, my writing teaches me something new about my thoughts and feelings. The subconscious reveals itself more easily when I set pen to paper or let my fingers fly across the keyboard. Remember this: You don’t need to be a writer to write. You just need a story to tell. Erin received her Master of Education in Counselor Education from the University of Florida with specialized training in marriage and family and Gestalt therapies. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, running, meditation, live music, and time with her dog Luna. You can read more at www.lifeisnowblog.blogspot.com. 8/12/2014 Day 12: A Story of Courage “I had a nice house, we both had high-paying jobs, had a ‘perfect life’ on the outside so I stayed for a long time with the abuse occurring, mostly because of the kids. He still bothers me because I have to deal with him because of the kids. But I know he can't hurt me in any way anymore. Sometimes I feel guilty that I left because I don't have an intact family but I know I did what I could to try to save it. I never wanted to be divorced but I'm proud that with the help of others I was finally able to make the final break. It was like I was making an escape.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/11/2014 Day 11: A Story of Courage “He abused me from the beginning of our marriage until the very end when he held a (gun) to my head and a shotgun in my face, when I decided that I could not leave, but had to make him believe that he left me. The only contact we have now is when it involves my children, and my current husband is always with me.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/10/2014 Day 10: A Story of Courage “I had started to try and keep my distance from him. One day, his (family member) called and said…it was safe to come because he wasn't around. He was. A fight began... I fled to my car to protect myself from him, and he came at the car window... If it wasn't for a bystander who noticed and threatened to call the police, I think he would have killed me. In that moment I realized that if I were to stay in that relationship, I wouldn't make it alive. So as soon as it was safe, I ran as far as I could, called the police, pressed charges. He knew it was over then because I had broken the golden rule of ‘snitching’ to the police.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/9/2014 My Journey Is Not CompleteBy Jen Schenker, See the Triumph Guest Blogger It has taken me a long time to be able to admit that I was a victim of sexual assault; once when I was five and once when I was 19. It took even longer for me to recognize myself as a survivor, but once I did, I knew that I wanted to work with others who had their voices stolen. However, it was difficult to hear other people talk about their experiences when I still had not figured out how to heal from my own trauma. Every time I told my story I struggled to find the perfect words that would describe what it felt like to exist in a space where someone I loved destroyed my spirit. The English language has so many fantastic adjectives, nouns, and verbs but none of them seemed to do a good enough job. Some say that the arts were created to go where plain words cannot; to abstractly represent the myriad of thoughts and emotions that we humans experience but cannot entirely describe to others. When I heard about FORCE and the work that they were doing with The Monument Quilt, I knew that it would be a chance to recount my journey from victim to survivor. The quilt is made up of 4’x4’ red squares that survivors and supporters create and send in to FORCE. Once all the squares are completed and received, they will all be stitched together into a massive quilt that will span the lawn in front of The National Mall in Washington, DC. The quilt project allows people to come together nationwide to support one another while also raising awareness about sexual assault. I could not resist the chance to get crafty and have some time for self-reflection. Yet, how does a story of sexual assault fit into a 4’x4’ space? This was something that I struggled with when I began designing my quilt square. I knew that I wanted to put some sort of message on my square and that I wanted it to have a figure or image that represented my narrative. I finally settled on a quote that has been very important to me and the image of a phoenix to symbolize how it felt to overcome the trauma. Throughout the process of making my quilt square, I found that I had to take a lot of self-care breaks. With each paint stroke and stitch in the fabric memories that I thought were long gone came rushing back to the surface. Neither one of my attackers went to jail and one of them died eight years ago, so many of my questions will never be answered nor will justice ever be served. Time has dulled the pain quite a bit, but those times in my life will always be tainted. During my moments of self-care and reflection, I realized how proud I was of myself for getting back up after being knocked down. My design started to become a reality and I was surprised by how well my square represented my journey to the present. I started to get excited about the finished product and traveling to Washington to see the squares that others have made. Many of the survivors who will be making quilt squares will do so at various workshops across the country so they will have the ability to meet other survivors and supporters. I think I would have gotten even more out of being able to work on my project while talking to others who have their own stories to tell. My journey is not complete, but I am very much looking forward to the future and I hope others can get as much as I did out of this project. Jen Schenker is a graduate student at UNC-Greensboro working towards her MS/EdS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She completed her undergraduate degree in Psychology and Women’s and Gender Studies at The University of North Carolina at Greensboro. As a survivor of domestic violence and sexual assault, she is passionate about advocating for other survivors and likes to divide her time between counseling and fighting for social justice. In the future, she plans to pursue a doctoral degree in Counseling and Educational Development, continue advocating, and counsel others affected by domestic violence/sexual assault. 8/9/2014 Day 9: A Story of Courage “After leaving over 13 times and him forcing/coercing me to come home, or I would come home from work and he would have moved into my home I had given up. I accepted the fact that I must have done something really bad in my life…so I stayed with him. Then once he started telling me how he could bury me alive in a local construction (site) and no one would ever find me. I fled the state with my…son. For nearly 6 months I called my family from payphones each Friday to let them know we were okay, but would never tell them where I was.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
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