8/8/2014 Day 8: A Story of Courage This week, we’re sharing stories from our research that show the courage that people can show in the face of even the most horrific abuse. As you read the stories this week, think about the amount of courage each person demonstrated when they took action to get safe. Here’s our first story for the week:
“This partner tried to set me on fire with WD-40 and a lighter. He was ultimately placed in a mental institution which he kept calling me from and would NOT stop even when the police themselves had to him in person NOT to have any further contact with me. Also, he caused property damage to my apartment complex…Before we went to court I decided to flee and left to live a better life.” ~ Domestic violence survivor 8/7/2014 What If I Tell My Story?By Claire Cappetta, See the Triumph Guest Blogger There was a time when I didn't tell many people of my past, only those who I became close to. It was after I met my husband I started to open up about my past. For the first time I was told I wasn't insane or crazy. He told me bad things happen all the time to good people. Slowly, I started to think maybe he had a point, what if bad things do happen to good people? A bigger question still... What if... I'm actually 'good'? He suggested I write everything down, so very simply, I did, through tears, pain, heartache and grief. By doing this, I found out something about myself—I wasn't a 'bad' person after all. My feelings of isolation and loneliness lifted. Through healing, strength is found, to be able to open up and slowly share your story. I was having dinner with my husband one evening, we were laughing at the pile of paper sitting in the corner of the room, 'my writings.' He suggested it should be a book, I laughed, “Sure!” He wasn't laughing. It suddenly struck me he was serious. I struggled with it for a while but the same thoughts kept coming back, what if it helped someone else? What if someone else didn't feel isolated and alone as I had? It became a book. It became 'My Story' and as I did more research I found other people just like me, they had stories too! We weren't alone. Each story was unique, different, showing victory over abuse and trauma. In every country around the world, we all have a story of victory over abuse and violence. I had always believed my 'Story' had started when I was raped at 15, but I was wrong. When I was 22 years old, carrying my first child I fainted, 'blacked out' at least once a day. I fell down stairs, walking, doing simple everyday tasks. The doctors couldn't understand why, sending for all manner of tests, brain wave scans, diets, even a test to put me in a contraption and spin me around in all directions to see if I would pass out, I drew the line and said “No!,” and I had a CT scan. This last CT Scan experiment on me showed my brain was different. They told me it wasn't a tumor like they thought it might be but there was an area which was 'lit up' by my pituitary gland. They didn't understand why, so they suggested it must be my slow blood circulation. This was 25 years ago, and these days they understand brain patterns much more. When I read an article on PTSD, it showed different brain patterns including one for someone with PTSD. It was lit up just like mine, so further tests now show I'm the proud owner of PTSD. It is mine, my medal, a badge of honor to show I survived trauma and I'm still alive! When I decided to put my book, A Broken Ring, into print I was told I should start writing a blog. It was frightening at first. I wrote about holidays, happy events, that I was attempting my first book... None of it deep and meaningful, until I found the courage to confess to my readers why I was really writing. I wrote a post called “The Confessions of Me...” I suddenly hit a cord with people! They commented, liked and emailed me privately suddenly sharing their stories! I have made some wonderful new friends now through writing. One lady came back to the US from living abroad, she was there to connect with her daughters from parental alienation. She had rescued one daughter, bringing her back with her, and now they are finding their new mother/daughter relationship again after too many years apart. She thanked me, saying I had given her the strength to do it, but I believe she found her own strength. One friend, after reading my book called me on the phone crying, saying now she didn't feel alone anymore, she felt ‘understood.' That phone call made all the hard work and tears worth everything. Even if I never sold another book, I had managed what I had set out to do--help someone feel they are not and were not alone. Lastly, I was sent an email just the other day, a new friend has just finished her first chapter of her book, and she posted on Facebook that I had given her the courage to do it. She has found a friend to help her with editing and the cover too! While it's always nice to be mentioned, it is her strength, her courage and her amazing journey that will be written and discovered. I am truly grateful for this journey I am on, to be invited into a warm, loving circle of people understanding and sharing their own unique stories of survival and healing. Claire is the author of A Broken Ring ~ A journey of Empowerment and Stalking Liberty ~ Are you safe?..., (Parts One and Two of the Ride to Liberty Trilogy). Born and raised in Yorkshire, England, she recently retired from the financial world to concentrate on writing her personal journey through relationships, child abuse, rape, domestic violence, through to healing and empowerment. Although at times heartbreaking it shows healing is possible. The story is heartwarming and inspiring. She now lives in New York with her husband and step-daughter, while her two grown children live in England. 8/7/2014 Day 7: A Story of Abuse “I caught him cheating on me…IN MY BED while I was at work…He almost killed me with a broken wine glass using the stem for a cookie cutter to my neck. The doctor said another 1/8th of an inch and I would be dead. He was arrested but the charges (all of them) were dropped…It was awful…This man eventually ruined my whole life and stole everything I owned.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/6/2014 Day 6: A Story of Abuse “We met and started dating, I got pregnant quickly so things got serious fast. He began being violent by pushing me down while I was 8 months pregnant. He apologized and we moved forward. After our baby was born he got angry one night and hit me…while I was holding the baby. We began not speaking as much, about a week later he got mad again and he punched me, slapped me, choked me and threatened me for almost an hour. I left and moved out the next morning. And the situation that caused him to get an arrest warrant out happened…later.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
8/5/2014 Thank You For Sharing Your Stories: A Note To Those Who Have Participated In Our Research StudiesBy Christine Murray and Allison Crowe, See the Triumph Co-Founders
As we’ve been working on this month’s theme of “Every Survivor Has a Story,” we’ve been going back through the stories of the survivors who participated in our research, including our original research studies and the current study we’re conducting now. It’s been a powerful reminder of how so many survivors have entrusted us with their deeply personal stories of experiencing and overcoming abuse. Between all of our studies, we've heard from hundreds of survivors by now, and we are thankful for each and every one of you. As researchers, it’s not often that we pause to express deep gratitude to participants in our studies. However, we want to take time to do that today, to let anyone who has participated in one of our interviews and/or surveys just how much we appreciate the time and insights you shared with us. Nearly all of our research has been collected anonymously, and this was done to protect participants’ confidentiality and to ensure that people can feel free to share openly without needing to disclose their identities. This is important to the methodology of our research, but it does mean that we aren’t able to reach out individually to participants to thank them for being part of our research. So, we hope by expressing our gratitude here, we will reach at least some of the many people who have so graciously shared their stories with us. And so, to those who have shared your stories with us through our research, we want to say thank you:
It is truly such an honor for you to have shared your stories with us. We hope that our efforts through See the Triumph play some part in harnessing the power of your stories for creating the social change needed to end abuse and the stigma surrounding it, as well as supporting other survivors. Please know that, by sharing your stories with us, you have certainly inspired us, and we know that you are inspiring others as well. With sincerest thanks, Christine & Allison PS--Please remember that study participants’ anonymity and confidentiality are still important to us, and we ask anyone who may have participated in our research to not publicly identify themselves as such here on our blog or through our social media channels. 8/5/2014 Day 5: A Story of Abuse “I experienced the worst time of my life I was beaten, raped, locked in a closet, hung out of a… building, beat in my eighth month of pregnancy... I was poisoned and had a nervous breakdown. This drama left me insecure, no self-esteem and many more things.” ~ Domestic violence survivor
By Allison Crowe, See the Triumph Co-Founder
When is it the “right” time to start telling your story as a survivor of intimate partner violence? For the month of August, Christine and I wanted to focus on the idea that every survivor has a story worth sharing. Stories are powerful. They heal us when we tell painful ones. They bring us happiness when we re-live the joyful ones. But for some stories, timing is especially important, and knowing when you are ready to begin telling that story is a unique and personal decision for you. This is certainly the case when it comes to sharing your own abuse story. A few years ago, when I was doing clinical work in a group practice setting, I had a client who was a survivor of years of childhood sexual abuse. She had just been transferred to me after working very successfully with a clinical intern who was moving to another state. “Connie” (name changed for anonymity) was extremely shy, suffering from serious symptoms of PTSD, and had just begun the process of working full time again and beginning a new life as a young woman. Her previous therapist helped her heal slowly but surely, as she worked through her abuse history. When hearing about the amazing transformation that had already taken place in a little over a year, I was intimidated about coming on as her counselor since they had accomplished so much together. I was also very sensitive to the notion that Connie might need some time before she even wanted to entertain the idea of sharing her story with me. For about a month or so, when Connie and I met for our therapy sessions, we did not delve into the abuse. I knew Connie wasn’t ready yet. Instead we talked about music, her work, her friends in the area, and how she was coping with PTSD symptoms. After some time, with a strong therapeutic relationship in place, I think she felt safe enough with me to tell me the parts of the story she still needed to talk through. She did not have to rehash her entire story to me in every detail, though. Really, I let her share what she wanted to share, and continued to check in about how she was feeling about our work together to make sure she always felt as though she was benefiting from retelling her story. Now, my time with Connie is just one example of stories, and how they have touched me as a clinician. Based on this experience, I can say the following to you out there who might be thinking about whether it’s time to seek out a counselor or therapist to share your story with.
These are just a few ideas for telling your story. Deciding to begin the process while having a “safety net” of a counselor or therapist can be one of the best ways to begin your healing process. And as a therapist, I know how grateful I feel to have been a part of the healing process for women and men who are overcoming their own abuse histories. It’s humbling to be trusted in this sort of way, and I’m thankful all the time to have shared in so many journeys. Thanks to all of you who choose to share your stories and Connie if you’re out there, a special thanks to you for sharing with me. |
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